|Reviews for Swim To Somewhere|
| One-Hand Clap 4/19/08 . chapter 1
The minimalism in this poem was, again, good. But I did have several little nigglings:
I am swimming further
Further out to sea
Where I can drown
I cannot swim.
First off, I know this is just my pedantic, unrealistic little tic acting up, but I think Because would look better 'decapitalized' (that's not a word, but you get what I mean, right?) so it reads 'because'. Also, you mention the word 'swim' twice in this poem which - again! - for some reason annoys me. Could you say something instead, maybe 'I am stroking further' or 'I am going further', 'I am travelling further', etc?
I know it's probably just me being annoying. Sorry!
- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon (link in the profile)
| this is britt 2/26/05 . chapter 1
Meaningful in its despair and contradiction.