Sorry it took me so long to review. T.T Anyhow- is good work. Now for notes.

"He may be a possible candidate for becoming a Deepscout, or Combat Agent-”" It'd probably work better to put an 'a' before 'Combat Agent'.

"So far is all very well..., but for how long does so far last?" Nix the comma- the ellipse makes it superfluous. Also- though you can't see it here- the word 'far' isn't italicized the second time it's used, even though everything around it is. I don't know if it's purposeful or not, but it's not neccesary.

"Fighting a determined, grim foe that believed in its cause made for a long, brutal struggle, one which the Agency was fighting for its very life." It'd be slightly better if there where an 'in' between 'one' and 'which'.

"What it was going to take to stop the prolonged war, well… Sylph didn’t exactly know. Some of her more aggressive peers on the Terran Military Council advocated conquering the Dominion instead of just pushing them back, but, well…" The second 'well...' makes this seem repetitive. It'd sound better if you nix the 'well...' and just have 'but...' instead.

"Those pilots would make up the majority of the defence of the Terran Agency’s freedom. The Agency would live or die by their deeds. Not something a pilot wanted to think about. Or at least the person responsible for keeping the Agency intact." The phrasing in this block sounds wooden- it's too similar from sentence to sentence. It'd probably fix it to just combine a couple of them together.

"Hair the color of white snow but with the warmth of ice was his most immediate feature." Ice and snow are the same thing- what's the 'but' for? And how would one know the temperature of his hair anyhow? Needs a bit of explanation...

"A sleeved, indigo cape hung over his shoulders as well, unworn, not noticed." As well as what?" Also needs explanation.

"This was of course the Domineer." Needs a comma between 'was' and 'of', and between 'course' and 'the'. Also- what exactly is the 'this' of "This was of course the Domineer."?

"The dominant color in the room was that of sterile steel, and deep indigo and black trim." Which is it? The way this is worded, the dominant color was that of sterile steel, the dominant color was deep indigo, and the dominant color was black trim, which isn't technically a color at all. Do you mean, "The dominant color in the room was that of sterile steel, -with- deep indigo and black trim."? Needs clarification.

"You know how he hates that…. Lethalvos himself will have the privilege, and my opinion, the pleasure of having his Kormorian Fleet outfitted with two new Immolator-Class heavy cruisers… in fact, they’re being constructed as we speak." Dirstly- an ellipse is only three periods, not four... you might want to change the one after 'that'. Secondly- it'd sound more natural for Nhialiss to say 'and, in my opinion,' rather than 'and my opinion'.

"The screen flashed, died, and reverted back to the dull, opaque grey of its predecessor." Predecessor implies a previous model, not a previous state. As no previous model has been mentioned, this is incorrect. And- actually- to say 'previous state' would work just fine for this.

"Each moon was barely a moon at that, and only little more then large asteroids." This is really, really akward wording. Better would be to shorten it into just, 'Each moon was barely more than a large asteroid.' And you might consider changing the period to an ellipse, to flow better into the next sentence.

"The major feature of the moon were six huge, superskyscraper-like turrets that lay on a similarly sized conveyor that spanned the moon’s equator." Needs a comma between 'six' and 'huge'. And what is the size simalar to? That needs a bit of clarification.

"Personally, Bross would rather the Pulsarian be more open, display a slice more of opinion, but Rhale was too traditional and rigid for that." Either nix the first comma and replace it with an 'and', or replace both commas with hyphens.

"And Bross, there is one detail that needs to be transmitted to Agent Rogue.”" Needs a comma between 'and' and 'Bross'.

"Not that they’ll find it… but that is beside the point…." Once again, an ellipse is three periods, not four. And, in this case, it'd work better to just have a single period at the end. It doesn't actually connect to the next sentence.

well, i think it has been seven months, but I'm pretty sure that I remember everything...if I find that I don't I may have to go back and read the last few chapters...

But as for this one, it was nice. I never got to read the old version (since your a/n says this is the "newly improved" one) but the pov changes were easy for me to follow and overall it was good. although every time I read High Priorim, it reminded me of high priority, for some reason- just a random thought.

Well, hopefully I will have plenty of time this summer to catch up on this story...good job on the chapter!

So, they're finally going to land on Keros Baelos...you built the beginning up to this point well, nothing specific, I just liked the beginning I guess :)

Hm...Bross...arrogant as usual, but I liked the creepy feeling KB gave off through Bross's description. "Whatever is down there, if sentient at all, will definitely consider their actions before attacking me."- I'm not positive, but I think 'whatever' takes a singular subject.

Sprites...misleading name for weapons, interesting. Bross is a jerk, isn't he...well, it came across again well in his treatment of the Corporal.

Nice chapter, hope to read more soon.

Loads of suspense left in this chapter...Nice intro of the Key Colonel, certainly sounds confident, easygoing, but if the planet is so bad to merit such a reaction from all the pilots, I wonder if he actually feels that way. Cool way with the picture to inform all the people about their personal mission/purpose. Nice ending too, I certainly wouldn't want to go with all the death hanging over that planet...and the excerpt quote at the start ties in perfectly. Nice chapter

Nice details on Seth...Cravis's wonderings about the reasons for using the planet for the operation helped me remember exactly what had gone on before...although I'm going back to refresh my memory with plot intricacies, but the rest of the tech info was cool too.

"With that accent, he might as well have a cold." Thought this was real funny :) I like how you keep everything realisitic with the differences between planets/habitats, with Cravis's need to drink that stuff...everywhere wouldn't be able to support the same kinds of life. Nice.

Hm...the ending...reading on...

Good set up of mood in the beginning, the feelings are tense, hinged on opportunity...the two "men" are both rather overly confident, condescending, oily...and if one gained an advantage by double crossing the other, or had an opportunity to embarrass the other...they'd do it in a heartbeat. Nice characterization's here, the cold smiles, etc.

The panic and confusion, disbelief of danger in the thoughts of the Pulsarian are nice to continue the mood, show the extent of his distress...the unormality of the situation.

Hmm Bross back again...actually glad to see him having problems for once. And a great ending, the sentences moving boom, boom, boom...and the repetition of countdown...the destruction of the Agency...powerful ending. Nice chapter!

First off, the training sounds alot more like officer training than grunt training.

The first two sentences of the chapter itself repeat each other.

It isn't entirely clear what is happening in the second paragraph.

"On occasion, nightmares were even known to manifest from the illusionary dangers Lexus and his fellow trainees engaged in." : The way you word it, makes is sound as if the nightmares are unexpected. Dunno, I don't know if I make sense, but it made it sound as if the nightmares were too unecpected.

I like the characters. However, I think I'd like to know more of how they look than hair and eye color. Not so much a full description, but just a few random details.

"Upon perishing in the simulations, the pilot students, which was a pet name for all trainees, were resuscitated and removed from the simulation." : The word 'pet name' makes me think of an endearing sort of name than 'pilot student'

"It was usually nothing that he couldn’t handle, had passed in only a few days." : Sorry, but I didn't understand what you were trying to say in the second half of that sentence.

You keep referring to Cravis is the middle aged/older man. I guess I've always been from the school of thought that if you want to refer to a person, refer to them by name because otherwise it tends to get silly.

Is Warraid supposed to be stuck together?

Wow. A really terrible thing Lexus suffered through.

"knew was smoother then smooth.. " : First off, the then should be a than. Second, you have two periods instead of one.

"Terran Arbitory Council" : I find it funny how close the word Arbitory is to arbitrary.

"The other one was older, well-worn, and bore such a resemblance in demeanour to Sylph that Lexus could not help but wonder if the two were brother and sister." : generally speaking, demeanor refers more to how one is expressing one's face, and not so much the face itself. I think, but I could easily be mistakeb.

Anyways, this was a filler chapter, though I imagine its necessary to get from point one to point two.

As always, looking forward to finding the time to read more. I'm really curious as to what's going to happen to Lexus, and what role he's going to play later on in the book.

-peace out.

Hi! I'm back again, way way back, but I was meandering through my memory and I thought "Hey, wait a minute, I was going to go back and read AQoV all over again, why haven't I done that?" And then I realized that last month I said I was going to start over with the reading and well...it's next month! Ha! So I cen read through it all again and, once I get to the end (wherever that may be) I can begin bothering you all over again, mwahaha!(lol) Yeah, I know. I'm feeling a bit random here. So...this'll be pure emotional reviewing 'cause I've already run the mechanical/grammatical gamut and I don't want to hit you with it again. Other people can do it. Not me.

Y'know, reading the bit with the patch again, I wonder if you just kinda thunked the keyboard? How did you come up with that? Was it random or actually have some meaning? Not that it's important, lol, just musings of my own strange mind.

Are these people ever important? And what did they do? This is probably a question - or a few questions - I've asked before, but...I just don't get it. The prologue people never show up...or do they? Do you have something sinister planned? *mutters* Probably. They'll probably do something evil, like kill someone, or they'll be uberly important at some point, maybe everything'll depend on them or something. I dunno, you're the writer, but for the sake of all things holy are these people ever showing up again? *shakes computer* Answer!

...Oh, wait, you can't. Oops. Sorry. *sheepish smile* You didn't see that.

Now! Hmm...I have to admit it's not the same quality as the rest of what I've read, y'know, sorta less...less...something. I don't know what something, but something. Maybe it's just because we don't follow these convicts or whatever. I dunno. I'm so confused now!

BB- Arej

"it bathed a bustling metropolis with its early light." : minor nitpick, but since we know its already morning the early isn't entirely necessary nor is the its. As a general rule, the fewer words used to the better.

Well, that explains a bit of the seeming randomness of the last attack.

Why are members of the diplomatic core privy to information regarding training of soldiers?

First you say the planet is of huge performances but then you describe the planet as only moderately populated. It sounds awkward the way you wrote it.

"but… she knew better now. " : why are the ellipses there.

If the second set of ellipses are supposed to show thought trailing off, you might want to begin with a second paragraph.

I'll send the rest of this review later anonymously seeing as I have to go to class now.

-peace out.

"the same… taut look" why are there the ellipses. I don't see any reason for them.

"five… to zero!" I still don't understand what the ellipses are for.

I kind of think of the x-wing squads before facing the death star for somer reason.

Wait, how many human fighters are there. Also, if the opposition is so powerful, why are they even trying to fight them. If this is supposed to be a major upset type battle, I don't think it makes sens e for the humans to be engaging the combat.

Wht is this line referring to? "They just met a few minutes ago, and already they’re fighting."

I like how lasers are bursts basically invisible to human eyes. It annoys me when you saw people dodging lasers in sci-fi. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

"…zAM! Too late!" I'm not a huge fan of onomotopeia out of comic books, so this may be just my own personal biases playing, but I just didn't like how that read.

I think you might want to give a better description of a pulsarorb at some point. All I know is they are small, and circular so you have me picturing stereotypical flying saucers in my head right now.

"IT’S TOO-….”" I'd also advise against all caps because it makes things look unprofessional. This one is a little less questionable than most uses of caps since someone really would be screaming these lines so I don't know.

I really like Lexus's thoughts. They're sardonic but they still seem realistic considering the situation.

You do an amazing job getting the intensity of the battle right. It seems sort of surreal at times, but thats what a battle without booms would be. And still, the reader feels a very real sense of danger.

What happened in the end. Is the Nukorum destroyed or am I just not supposed to know.

Anyways, this was an amazing chapter and I really enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to reading more in the future.

I find that the character descriptions tend to be a bit forced. Every physical description has been put in it's own paragraph while some things could have been spread out more. The colour of Petra's hair can be given as she brushes 'aside a lock of her hair'. Same for the man's arm wound. There's a lot of story left to go, so don't feel rushed to describe people.

The middle and most of the end of the prolog was quite good. I found myself taking to the story well which I have to say is quite the accomplishment. It has it's rough spots (I'm still trying to figure out what) but it's good thus far.

I'll tackle the next chapter tomorrow.

hm...to be quite frank im not a huge fan of the intro. Kind of reminds me of the crawler before every star wars movie (all hail their brilliance) but I enjoyed in nevertheless.

My main question is just exactly what the disease did. Was it like mind control?

Other than that, intereting beginning and I'm looking forward to getting to read more.

Howdy,

It's been a long time since you updated, and a long time since I reviewed. Glad to see this running again.

Right off, those lambda filters are totally original.

I review as I read.

"And although the start hd come before Cravis would have liked, he seemed to be only one of a few that was still feeling the effects of [the] lack of sleep."

"There had been more [than] one occasion..."

Oh, so finally they're landing on Keros Baelos.

"..., Keros Baelos would [be] directly before them."

"Wait..." Bross said, holding a hand up [to silence] the Pulsarian.

Wow, Bross has more than a million Tidal Soldiers.

A very impressive Base the Pulsarians have on the surface. I wonder what foils their Sprites/weapons.

Oh, another Terran fleet lost, shame.

Very nice detailed chapter. Keep updating. *_*

A general warning about apostrophes is that they make things hard to read.

I really liked the beginning paragraphs. Normally, beginnings like this come off as cheesy, but I really want to read on.

Dunno, I feel the phrase, "black ID tag existed" sounds a little odd. Wouldn't there was a black tag say what you mean. I just don't think existed gives the reader the right connotation.

You have the phrase, "but failed to disguise a deep scar on the right side" but it was never clear what failed to hide the deep scar.

"no hair was visible on the man’s head." the sentence makes it sound as if there was hair there, just that none of it was visible.

I like the conversation. It seems natural despite being bantery (a lot of bantery stuff seems really fake to me)

is a GU a general unit?

Anyways, great beginning to a story. I really like the way its beginning and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens to the heroes of the story.

-Ravi Mehta

Alright, it's me...I did the whole reaction review last night, so here's the meat of the stuff. That was...potatoes, I don't know, I'm losing it.

Going from the top!

Alright, this quote/excerpt thing, well done. The choppy flow of the speaker really comes through here...and you get a bit of the man's personality, too.

"viewport, and briefly shaded his eyes until the lambda filters kicked in, and muted" ...I see what you're trying to do here, but the commas thrown in pauses that screw up your flow. Tiny little buggers are messing with the feeling. *glares at them*

"disappointed however,"...Hmm. Nothing wrong here...but again, commas. Except maybe, as a small helpful note, you might want one before however - sorta set it apart, make it special.

"Cutting through the black void of space as easily as slicing bread, it was a task Cravis had done many times before, but in the simulations." Meh. I like the idea...but the sentence is quite the confusing one.

Purple! Purple again!

"air in all our other" Yeah, I know what you're saying, but either take out the "in" or add in a "which" after the "in", so as not to confuse your readers, friend. Tsk tsk. Be nice to us readers.

" 'Not that I have already told you, my Greater.' " Um...it seems picky, I know, but it might be a bit easier to understand if you had him say " 'Not that I have (not) already told you, my Greater.' ", just so someone knows that he's already explained the troubles...?

"corrugeel" Hmm...corrugated steel, maybe? lol, ignore that. Me thinking out loud.

"made the Sprite go." Hey, no complaints here...just wanted to say that this seemed really simple, almost elegant. Loved it.

"swarthy" Is this some sort of culture barrier thing? What in the world does this mean? lol, probably me being way down here in the sunshine, but still...huh.

Woo! It still holds the same feeling, even after already reading it once. I most definitely have to go back and start over again from the beginning and do it all over again. Ah, when I have time, of course. Maybe next month, lol.

BB- Arej