Did you ask for this to be read? Well, here goes...

I'd have the side not at the end and separated, not at the start.

I think the flashback paragraph is too big. Space that out. Maybe say more about the character before going into the flashback too. So all we know is something about beggars and having a poor life early on. Show more of that and make it more emotional before going into the 'how' it happened.

I believe commas are often misused where they should be complete sentences. Yeah watch out for the grammar aspect. Try to reduce your usage of 'I' especially to start sentences. Maybe give it breathing space or a break. Reduce the continued action and fast pace... mix it with a few other things. Give it a bit more suspense. At its current state, it feels a bit messy.

great, i was on the edge of my sit all the way though. you have a great imagination and a real eye for what people want.

Wow. That was actually, really, very good. I love stories that end like that--I didn't even see it coming. Wow. I'm glad you told me to read it. The beginning's a little hard to get into, but it really is neccessary for the rest of the story... Wow. That's so good. I really, really liked the last five chapters or so. And it was such an awesome story!Wow. Really was very good. Very good indeed. The only thing is that it kind of jumps from place to place... I don't know, though, it kind of fits the plotline, and it sort of adds, I guess... Well. It was a pleasure reading it; even though it was dark, it was good.

Amazing, absolutely amazing. If I were you, I'd go get it published. The characters were well developed, the story was far from cliched. The ending was a surprise. I've got to admit, you wrote one hell of a story. Keep writing 'cause you're extremely good at it.

I found this story well written and intriguing. I found the writing to be very descriptive and it gave me personally a clear image of the characters, the action and the scenes. All in all I found this to be a very enjoyable read and would suggest it to others.

Hey Lilstory writer,

Overall, I thought great story. I was hoping that Alicia and Mitchell would manage to escape, but sadly that wasn't meant to be.

I guess the only constructive criticsm I have is the switching back and forth from all the viewpoints. From Mitchell's POV to Alicia's POV to third person and vice versa. I found that a bit confusing at points and sometimes made the story a little choppy to read. But overall, job well done!

Hey it's Mandy, and I just wanted to let you know I've started reading your fantastic story. I usually wouldn't read a drug addict story, but this one is different. Mitchell knows what he is doing is wrong, and these thoughts eat up his mind and concious. He remembers how good life was before he ruined it, and I think that's what kills him the most. He's one of those devil/angel cases if you get my drift. The girl you brough into the 3rd chapter was a good twist. Well I don't have time to read anymore right now, but I'll continue when I get the chance! Thanks for the great read, and Bravo. -A.K. Eighth

I like the introduction to the story. I'm interested to know more about Mitchell and his best friend. I'll read more of this as soon as I can.

Wow. Very interesting beginning. It certainly draws a reader in... Now I want to know where this is going.

this was really good. I honestly don't know why you don't get many reviews other then it's so depressing. it could be better, from one author to another. there's always room for improvements other wise, it's good. i like your writing but please don't ask me to read any more depressing one. lol. my fragile emotions can't handle it. lol~Mel

Mitch seems to love Alicia but i'm not so sure about her feelings for him. i guess you could call it a gut feeling but i honestly think the feelings are one sided...

She's one hell of a good liar, i'd say she'd beat me anytime. I used to lie all the time but i got busted once for lying and havent really lied since then...

Kyle kinda scares me, he is so violent and for no reason. I reckon its because its a power trip for him to see others in pain and in fear of him...

I feel for Shorty. He befriended Alicia and look what its doing to him now. Biting him in the butt! Why is he even mixed up with them anyway he doesnt seem like the kind guy that fits the description of a rough neck in a gang!

Update Soon.

Jorja ; )

Heya! You asked me to review your story so now I am...Sorry that I took so long to R & R. I know I kept saying that I was gonna do it but I kept on forgetting and then exams and wrk exp came up...But anyways. Me is reviewing now. I've only read the first three chappies and I'll review the rest later (you get more reviews anyways teeheehee). But I really like what I've read so far. It's really good. But you know, most people on ficpress don't really go for angsty sorta stuff like this. Just like khuu-khuu said: They prefer all the fluffy romance. But there are some readers out there who like something more angsty. And those are the people who have reviewed your story. BTW please don't post the story according to the amount of reviews you get. Write and post for yourself...you never know...You might even finish the story before you start getting a ton of reviews. I know I tend to only read stories that have quite a lot of chappies...

Talk to ya soon,~*fairypwincess*~

p.s. Hope you liked the long review ^_^

This chapter just proved how well you write.

Still, I bet you question why you don't get many reviews. My guess would be the genre. Young people want soap opera type fluff. Love triangles, that sort of thing.

But I like what you're doing. Don't write for the reviews, write for yourself. Let the reviews be little encouragements, but not the motivation.

First of all, you've got great writing. Good flow.

Drugs and depression just aren't what i'm looking for. But you know what? You DO have readers. Most of them just don't review. I have a one-shot on fanfiction.net and it only got 5 reviews, but over 130 hits. Maybe fictionpress will set up a hit counter soon, too.

This isn't what I'm used to reading. There's actually meaning and depth to the plot! LOL.