FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| teresa 2005-03-04 ch 1, anon. | abuseo.0 ok...what's with the him and not the her? |
| Clap Clap Raise Your Hands 2005-03-03 ch 1,  | abuseI like this, I like the reference to eyes and hearts and I like how this was used a few times. I think this would read a bit better if it had some question marks and other punctuation, and also, some lines are missing a space (I saw 3) like this one: "ButI cannot comprehend" other than that, I like this, the end it a bit open, I know the whole poem kind of explains it, but the line itself is not explained... it just leaves me thiking "What can't he comprehend?" - I mean, I get it, but prehaps the 2nd last lines should swap places; in my mind I think this would make the poem sound a lot better, but that's just my opinion. Overall, I like this, it's hard to do poems in someone else's tone but this is good, and great structure too! keep writing x weasel within x |