The end was amazingly done and the message again obviously brill. The only thing that could use work was the rhyming. It sounded a little forced so it threw off the flow of the poem in the middle. Good job though, I liked it.

the ending was the best, but the rest was still brilliant. i like your rhymes. some people have rhyming poems and the rhymes are forced, yours are not, which is good. great job!

nicely done- you conveyed an emotion lots of people feel in a way that was totally original. the rhythmn also worked well to reflect the emotions of the poem.

Beautiful poem, powerful emotion and vivid images came to my head when I read this.

Keep it up.

the line: can i realy see through this grief? was realy good, and this poem related to me alot!

this is a great poem in a way it sounds like my life anyway good job _

i totally understand the feeling of defeat. its hard, but you seem to be coping pretty well.