Reviews for Crown of Thorns: Volume 1: Crown of Thorns

Reviews For: Crown of Thorns: Volume 1: Crown of Thorns

Joshua Thorson 2007-10-19 ch 1,	This is a good opening, though using a bard/storyteller figure to introduce the plot may be a bit of a cliché. However, you're writing's very good, so it works. I looking forward to reading/reviewing more as I have time.
Disturbly 2007-10-03 ch 2,	Hello, then. I've finally checked out chapter 2, and it was pretty much as good as the first. I did catch a couple mistakes - that I didn't even have to fabricate - but your narrative is as solid as it ever was. I have to say, I like the character of Emeria. Strong, confident- and kind of bitchy. I don't see too many female protagonists who aren't all sunshine and smiles, and it's refreshing to read about one with a temper. In contrast, I hate Silvas. His traits of what I can only term "douche-baggery" are taken to levels that I really don't like. He seems a bit flat to be, a little to "stock shifty-eyed coward character". I'll read on to see how you develop him, but I'll tell you now, if he doesn't get some redeeming traits in the coming chapters, I'm going to be disappointed. As for the story, there's not a lot I can say about it. Your pace is slow, but solid; I really won't be able to offer much commentary until I've read farther. I do like the details you throw in about the contrast between women's apparel in the Crescent and Tyrandell; a nice, realistic touch. I also like the political intrigue you begin to hint at in this chapter. Just from skimming chapter 3, I look forward to seeing how you expand on that. Two typos. "Emeria had grown accustom to tying a scarf around her head to hide the tips of her ears..." Verb tense. 'Accustomed'. "even though she had grown up behind shoved and prodded and pushed into the same sort of clothing." 'being' shoved and prodded, etc. Well, that was a review. I'll read more later. Don't get hit by a bus. -Disturbly.
Disturbly 2007-08-28 ch 1,	Sweet Shaolin Jesus... I usually try to leave really in depth reviews on areas that need improvement, but where the Christ were they in here? How do you gild refined gold, as the saying had it before it was corrupted? I guess I can try. It could be commented that some of these characters and locales are distressingly familiar; the rustic inn, it's shrewish proprieter, the little orphan girl who works there, and the wizened traveler who stops by to tell a tale... Only problem? It's not a problem. The characters are being used well, to tell a story they're supposed to. It's okay to reinvent the wheel, as long as it rolls. Your narrative is a bit flowery (especially your opening line); but it's good flowery. I'd like to dismiss it as "clever author syndrome" or "info dumping", but it's neither; there's not a line in here that fails to enhance the story, or the ambience you're creating... The details are rich, but the pacing doesn't suffer. The colloqiual speech comes off as exotic, but isn't overdone to the point of distraction or self-parody. A lot of terms specialized to this universe are given without context, but it's still evident what's going on in the story; furthermore, if you had gone into detail about such things as what the Draoi were or where Durra's Crescent was supposed to be, it would have been too much information up front, and gotten in the way of hooking the reader. Seems like every time you approach a technical or stylistic error, you reign in in, fixing it before I can comment on it. Weird. I've publicly lamented about how bad the stories on this site are, but it's no fun critiqueing a really good one... Tell you what; I'm going to go flame some vampire stories to make sure I haven't lost my edge, then get back to you as I read the rest. I will find some mistakes if I have to make them up. -Disturbly. Post-Script: Have I missed my guess, or did you derrive your pen name from a spelling variation on the name of the title character from the first of the Abhorsen Trilogy? Because if so: that is also sweet.
Solemn Coyote 2007-03-08 ch 8,	Ah-ha! An epilogue. Right before "volume two: the ManGod!" I have to admit, there's nothing wrong with that title. If I saw it in a bookstore, I'd be like "Oh, ManGod. Makes sense." However, because it's posted on fictionpress, I can't help but look at it skeptically. There have been ManGods before (MenGod?), and they have not graced stories nearly so good as this one. Let's just say ManGods have a rep. And that fictionpress does dark things to the reviewer's mind. Anyways, review. 1)Short epilogue, but I like that you've actually got a side-story going with the tale-teller. Most authors just use a character like that as a mouthpiece for story. This is both cool and different.
Dete Savoie 2007-02-15 ch 5,	Very interesting. I really like it! ^_^
Solemn Coyote 2007-01-26 ch 7,	Alright, well, now that I've forgotten everything, you went and posted a chapter. I'll do my best to give it a proper review, but I might get names and places a bit scrambled. Bear with me. Rar. Bear. 1) Atreias is a very R.R. Martin kind of character. Darkly likeable. Nicely done. 2)For snakes grow unwary in the winter months, and even the least of animals can overtake it with cunning.” 'a snake grows' 3)“There is only one season in Moy Tura, Fear Dubh,” the Ater told him grimly. “And it is winter." Love that line. Might use it a lot. At school. 4) The argument between Ciero and Atreias seems to develope a little quickly, especially with it's very dramatic conclusion. I guess Atreias really donesn't like being overruled. 5)"The air around him stretched until the feeling forced itself out in a spark, the logs suddenly aflame." Nice description for the magic. It literally bends reality. 6) Loki's another cool character. Too clever to be a run-of-the-mill seductress. 7)"'Never,' he said a moment later, too late for it to ring true." Nice 8)"'The whore stays,' he told Varrik flatly." He sure knows how to sweet-talk a girl. But, yeah, this is very in-character. He's not going to stand up for Loki's dignity when his own is under fire. 9) Oh, I like this. Balor can host-hop as often as he needs to. Very cool. 10)"'All men are demons,' he breathed. 'Only some show it on the outside.'" Atri's just an overflowing font of good lines. 11)"The door to his solar burst open and they sprung apart as if burned," I love the secretive quality to their relationship. Everyone else seems to think she's his wench, but they don't go at it like stereotypical villains. In fact, for all the weirdness of its circumstances, their relationship is very cool. 12)"his long white-blond hair pulled over his shoulder in a horsetail." Little changes to existing concepts can build a world. 13)"I’ve only been traveling for a month, and I’m already frozen to the hollows of my bones." Two bird-elf references, a-ha-ha. although, I suppose that one could just be him talking poetically. 14)"so he is may be the blade in the hand of the Dark One." Scratch the 'is'. 15)"Until then, they are a distraction," I hear ya, Atri. Women are distracting. 'course, I could never see that as a bad thing. 16) “No where of importance.” That might be stretching the archaic-speak a little much. 'Nowhere of importance.' 17) You write amazingly sympathetic villains. Very nice. 18)“Sleep with a full guard tonight, elf," Loki's displaced Atri for my favorite character of the chapter. 19) This was well worth the wait. Thank you much. Now, start on the next chapter.
Dete Savoie 2007-01-26 ch 1,	This sounds really interesting. I like it.
Solemn Coyote 2006-08-30 ch 6,	Hmm...Another chapter. I would make remarks about how slowly these things get written, but I'm too thrilled at having another chapter to be cynical. Anyways, review:1)"most masters lives in small cottages". Er, "live".2) You really have a way with verbal fencing. I hardly ever see any out-and-out insults in your stories, only refined stabs at people's character. 3)Viau! ahem Why does your writing reduce me to fangirlishness when I am not, in fact, a fangirl? Or any kind of girl.4)"If you are anything like you sister". Er, "your".5) "Unlike her half-elf companion, her bones were not hollow". So you did mention it, the whole "elves-descended-from-birds" thing. Nice.6) I like your take on the "heros-spy-on-their-mentors-for-crucial-but-cryptic-knowlege-to -be-used-at-a-later-date-scene". Danis really does have a point. Also "With the grace of a particularly ungainly cow" is an awesome way of putting it.7) Another excellent chapter. I don't have any particular critiques to offer, because I can't really find anything wrong. Honest. Keep writing.
Solemn Coyote 2006-07-31 ch 5,	happy dance CoT's back! CoT's back! Avia phoenix! Avia phoenix! ...Ahem. Now that I've got that out of my system, here's a review:1) Issarion strikes me as a kind of Torvald-ish (or maybe Torvald-esque) kind of character. I get the impression that some of your dislike of "A Doll's House" was channeled into him.2) I like the intro and the end to the noble...er, lady-dog fight. However, it feels like it kinda comes out of nowhere. If you spent a few more paragraphs setting it up-maybe give Muirinn a few more reasons to hate the newlyweds-I think the argument would work a little bit better.3)"The awkward silence that had been her shadow stretched between them". I'll say it simply: that's an amazing line.4)"but Naga were the desert equivalent of the Waste’s demons, and Muirinn held no stock in those stories either." hehe. Gotta love it. If there's a myth in a fantasy, there's at least a 75% chance it'll turn out to be real.5) Wow. This family schemes like a mafia. Nicely done.6) It kinda felt like you were channeling R.R. Martin for this chapter, but it was well-written all the same. I'm interested in the characters, although I could have sworn that Muirinn and Morin were the bards from the first version of CoT... Anyways, keep writing.
Solemn Coyote 2006-04-30 ch 1,	This isn't so much as review, as it is me adding you to my favorite author's list. Consider that a review in itself. Keep writing.
erinshadow 2006-04-30 ch 4,	Hey, Sabreael, get your butt in gear and give me more of this to read! I love it so far! A rich world with some deep characters and potential like no other fantasy I've read before!
SteelKitsune 2006-02-06 ch 3,	I don't know what you were talking about as far as the first chapters are concerned, but I think you're off to a great start. After a while I certainly got a sort of LOTR feeling in my head, accents and emotions and all. I'm still jealous of your grasp on dialog.I'm still a little confused on what's going on, but that's typical for fantasy. I'm sure most of it will reveal itself later.That hard work and constant rewriting pays off.

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