 Eyes Unclouded 2005-06-14 . chapter 1Love the loose, easy rhyming scheme; it seems simple, but at the same time it's so pretty.
The last stanza was the best; certain words were really well-placed (such as the "just" in the final line).
I think this is one of those subjects in which the writing could easily turn out cliche, but thank God you avoided that!
::applauds::
Great job! |
 addie pray 2005-03-23 . chapter 1Beautiful, well written. Familiar subject, and the whole of this was strengthened by the ending, which I love --the last stanza is just amazing--Well done. |
 Kohikari 2005-03-14 . chapter 1Oh my god. *jaw drops*
"...But the brokenness is beautiful-/The pieces on the floor,/As they glitter like a million flames..."
This is FANTASTIC. It's amazing, and so true! I can really feel the emotion, see the imagery. Out of ten, this would be an 11.
*gawps* You should publish this! I'm dead certain it would get an award.
Keep writing!
--Kohikari* |
 TheAngelofhope 2005-03-07 . chapter 1Really like this one. Keep up the good work. |
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