Reviews for Missed Chances - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Missed Chances

Caught By Myself 2006-05-17 ch 1,	The title is the title of the story of my life. It's about missed chances, and, well, I'm trying my best not to have those anymore. :) Did you write this out of personal experience?
Unclaimed 2006-02-03 ch 1,	Even though it's ever so slightly predicable and cliche it's still really sad and kinda sweet.
lovelikeamixtape 2005-07-18 ch 1,	oh, wow. this is so powerful. especially the last line. you have a wonderful writing style. great job.
Serana 2005-05-04 ch 1,	This was after the peer edit right? haha... ok... so there's a few things that I'll reinforce again (since I know you personally, don't kill me if I go all out on this, k?) 1) Degree of word used.There was one part where I asked you to change 'said' to something else (you changed it to 'defended' which sounds rather awkward :X). Keep note of the different levels of emotions that some words can hold (e.g. the difference between 'cried' and 'wailed') and use them to support certain aspects of speech or other things. 2) Show vs TellThe part where she got home again, I mentioned talking about how betrayed you felt and stuff. That part is still a little brief. You should/could do something like describe your own actions - show how you felt, the betrayal, disappointment, hurt... show it instead of stopping in that one short sentence. 3) My comment about cars still stands, if you can remember what I said about it before (:D) 4) Characterisation/personalities/fill-in-something-hereI didn't mention this before because I just thought of it recently. Use anything and just about everything to bring out various character traits in a person. One important thing that people tend to overlook is small actions/body language. They're very telling. (e.g. when you're asking about Katrina, you could be... nervous? What would you be doing if you were nervous and talking to someone? Add that in) 5) It's a little out of point but as my brother says, "Whack the title"Meaning, try to relate as much as possible back to the title. We were given that worksheet thingy to fill up before writing it. Were there any metaphors you could use that could relate back to the title? Just keep the idea of missed chances going and going and going... but keep it in point! haha 6) Use of 'cliche'-ness aka Ms Bong's point and the essay The Circle which she showed us. I still suck at this and tend to be very cliche as well but if you can somehow acknowledge it's cliche-ness and use it to your advantage then :D I know I'm rambling but you know how I am. In terms of your other writings that I've read. This is generally a big improvement (butterflies! haha). Keep writing (or a few of us in school will make sure you keep writing. :P). You're bound to improve over time and at least your other stuff (aka. MT Compos) are really really good! haha... Just keep it up... and sorry to have missed the story you tore down... -Serana (Don't mind me, I talk too much crap)
philoslove 2005-03-20 ch 1,	Hope you'll take well to constructive criticism. I've read through your profile, and hope you won't think this is a flame or whatsoever. Yes, I do realise from the summary that this was written to get rid of some writer's block, but still, in my opinion, is quite a badly done piece of composition. I won't call it an essay. It sounds like those kind of secondary school (the early years or later years in primary school) compositions that we have to write, and have no creative juices, and thus write such a piece. No offense, I'll elaborate. Instead of cliched phrases you used in this piece, such as "went through thick and thin together... shared tears and laughter", dried my tears when... told her all my deepest, darkest secrets...tears streamed down my face... yes, even what the narrator said to Katrina (from my experience in writing compos and reading them, it is a cliche), and definitely the ending. Use metaphors and perhaps, similes to make everything more interesting. You don't have to write "deepest and darkest secrets". The choice of what words to use are yours, so use better diction. You could rephrase it such as, perhaps... "dirty (or whatever adjective) little secrets that I stole away to the back of my mind, or hide them in the dark reccesses of my mind, so no one could get to the or rather, those hateful things could never be shared, except with Katrina," or something better. So, better diction, more dazzling vocabulary. Perhaps imagery and symbolism? Such as the weather reflecting the rage within you, or perhaps the sadness? Using the weather as some form of symbolism is very commonly used, it is quite easy. Unless of course, you want to make some complicated yet beautiful one, of course. Secondly, the plot. The plot is also very cliched. I could even foresee the ending. Even if you want to put down a misunderstanding that actually happened, such a misunderstanding though very common, and perhaps the most realistic, is still used very often. In fact, too often. Seriously, the ending is quite expected. Perhaps, to make it more sincere, you might want to add something like "Friendship, as cliche as it sounds, was indeed like a flower, giving scent to everyone who passes by and puts their noses to it. It's sweet fragrance uplifts the passer-by. The colours it has, blends into each other on its petals... blah blah blah", adding some imagery whatsoever. That would make it the ending more beautiful. What I personally feel is that the writing style has to be more sincere, instead of sounding very detached, to endear the narrator to the readers, letting them feel close to her, and actually know how bad the agony was, blah blah blah. You obviously have a good word bank, and have some talent. You just need to work on your language more and perhaps, use literary devices to make your works more brilliant and to stun the reader. Seriously. Read good works, even poems by other writers here on fp, the good ones of course, those with imagery and so on, and you'll know what I mean. Believe me, I started off like this on fp, and through contructive criticism and reading of more works, I got some improvement. You are a promising writer, in my opinon, so continue to work hard. No offense, really, so hope you don't take any.
Kiera Jackston 2005-03-19 ch 1,	Tragic, but a gorgeous one shot. Great work!
Reading Redhead 2005-03-11 ch 1,	This was a very poignant piece on many levels. The style is very real, and the writing flows well. A good reminder of how little time we really might have with those we love. I know it made me want to call up my best friend just to let her know that I'm thinking of her. --Red

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