This is very depressing and an amazing one-shot... But i really think you can make this into a longer story Message me if you want help :D

I can relate.

I like your stuff, man. I really do.

i can't even begin to tell you how i feel right now. i know that i don't know who you are, and you don't know who i am either, but idk... this story describes my life so perfectly right now that i think i'm going to cry. (a little dramatic, i know) but seriously, i want to thank you. i love this. keep writing.

I loved it. It sounds so endearingly familiar, and it was very well written. But did you have to make her so hopeless? :(.

Simple and sad. It'd be cool to hear more about them I guess (:

that sucks for the girl =/

Ohh, that's so sad. A lot of people can relate, I'm sure.

Aw...I was kinda hoping there would be more...
Oh well.
It was still really good.
*favorites it*
^_^

Only one thing that bothered me: "feed his mom lies about why he doesn’t come home nights." I think you're missing an "at" between "home" and "nights."
I wouldn't say it makes me feel fuzzy inside (because that only happens with fluffy things), but it does make me a little jealous. (: It's awesome writing and a depressing but awesome oneshot. (: I'm glad xoxluurve added it to our c2. (:

I really really like this. I am sick and tired of cliches and pure fluff(though they must be fun to write); this was a welcome break for me.

Well done!

you should try making it longer, maybe like she leaves him to try and see if he would notice... and yea

Well, I won't tell you it makes me fuzzy inside like it did for you, Elle (can I call you that? If not, just slap me with a dead fish). But I did like. It was sad, but sadly true in some ways at the same. Why do guys go for whores? Very good! Great job!

=D
Kay (Let Them Eat Cake)

its awesome. XD

omgg this was so good!! but depressing =(

I like this one shot. I like the way you work through her emotions and express how faithful she is to him in spite of it all. You did a good job crafting her feelings.

I think the tense it was written in was somewhat distracting, though it worked. It was different, referring to her as "you". Very interesting story and way to write it.

Zonne
the review marathon
link in my profile