great story mate, loved every chapter. :)

Wow Great story. You don't find to many good Character driven stories out there, but this was one of them. You recongized that each character has a past and their own impressions of other characters. OH man and your mechanics of the "Spirit" abilities is so orignal.

You're biggest--for lack of a better word--promblem was something others have mentioned, "Lacking in the description department." Yeah its character driven but aren't character affect by their enviorment. I felt like I had no idea of landscape. Like they were just in a huge field fighting all the this.
One little thing I was put off by was the appearance of the "AVATAR" rank. I thought it was pretty kewl idea but I don't think you mentioned it anywhere else in the story. I mean, Tehran just all of a sudden turns into a physcial Monster. Its kinda a deus ex machina, something you just popped in at the end of the story to make it interesting.

Other than that I completely loved it. I'm looking forward to Origins. You're a great writer.

This story was so good! I stayed up two nights to 2:00 AM just so I could read the story. Your writing was nearly flawless in your opinion. However, my only criticism is that the climax of the story was a bit rushed. While you did an excellent job at squeezing it into 3 or four chapters, it would have been better if you took your time and explained what happened without rushing.

All in all, thank you for a wonderful read!

yeah, that was pretty sweet. I must say I like this whole betrayal thing.

bm

height: 5'5''
weight: 202 lbs

...what is he. A tub of lard? He's a midget for crying out loud! I've seen overweight 6'0'' guys who were only a little heavier than that.

hurry

Aww what a sweet chap. I was almost crying...no not really but whatever.

That was most interesting. :) finally found a story that kept me entertained for hours on end. Very nicely done.

I do have one point to make and that is that you write the most unsensitive and highly HALARIOUS proposals. Took me an hour to stop laughing after Shintoshi's to Rinslet. Yup. its quite refreshing.

Anyways. I really like this story. You could do with a little bit more detail in the battle scenes and a little less in some other scenes, but other than that, its lovely.

And I'm glad that you paired shintoshi with Rinslet and Helena with Seele. You do have a most interesting taste in names. I like it. And, i fidn your world here interesting. Though i still get completely lost :P its refreshing, rly. :) Always, Akeryou

ah okay 8 months, i was kinda loosing track of time, seemed like alot shorter cause so little events happened and the timeframe wasn't entirly clearly portreyed, yes i understand i can look at the chapters but it makes it more clear through your writing rather than your telling. Egh... goke and kanna? m meh. Dont like it goke has too much fillin his past to be good for kanna they both have too many issues, kanna needs somone strong both physically and emotionally, she needs to get back with mr. Iron Skin, and possibly bring him back from the road hes traveling, downhill in a snowballing motion, possibly just barely saving him from the slaughter of the entire group of frederick by the demon? so then he feels compelled to kill the demon but might have to put up with shintoshi, the only other champion he can really trust- even if he doesn't like him, to try to take down the demon? Either way Kanna and Taro need to be together.

how did shintoshi get so strong when frederick so clearly kicked his ** so many times? Has he been like enhanced by the scientists testing? im slightly confused on whats going on with the shintoshi family right now.

Kenna and Toro have to be together!

but but... no.. kanna and taro are supposed to be together...

Thanks for replying. The story's moving along better now, and I think I can see the vague beginnings of a plot, so keep up the good work!

I really like your story, but I've got a few questions. Firstly, is this story really leading anywhere? Its been 73 chapters of character development, and I still can't figure out the main plot. I might just be ignorant, but can you tell me if I'm missing something here? Also, are you going to finish Magi? It's a great story and I really want to know how it ends or at least what happens in the next couple of chapters.