FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Megalo-Otaku 2005-05-10 ch 1,   | Creepy, in the best kind of way. This is my type of story short and just wonderful. |
| Rinda E 2005-03-27 ch 1, | Wow I just discovered I had an account... This review will be questions mostly. Who would have called the police? Would someone come by asking for milk, come in and notice dead people? Where did all the people who came in come from? Did Amanda know them? Why did they come in? Why would they not talk to her? Where they as good a friends to know to leave her be while she was working? You have alot of detail in some places where it is not needed, and most of the time not enough where it is. At the end of the story I did not have a very strong sence of who this character was, only that she was a painter, at some point she was bleeding, she leaves her door unlocked, and that she can go more than four days without water, which no other human can do. I did like it though, the detail of the painting was wonderful, I am a ** for detail when I write, but most of the time you have to stop and see if it is to much. For the reader might skim over it, it has to be enough to captivate, but as small as to not bore the reader. Again with the painting, you might even want to add a description of the brush strokes she makes, strokes are a big part of a painting, Look at a van Gogh print closely and you see his strokes are alot of what make up the painting. In my opinion that is the intimate part of the painting, the personality part besides the painting and the signature. She never signed it either. A final note before she passes, a dramatic note in my opinion would be if she signed it. I'm sorry if this didn't make any sence what so ever... My thoughts are always very muddled. I did like the story all and all, I love your writing style, and love that you are a much better writer than myself. Cherrio- Twinnie |
| Quincer 2005-03-15 ch 1, | Whoa. I love the irony and parallelism here. I made myself read it twice because I figured that was the only way to grasp it all. Now, twice in there, I noticed an awkward usage of commas; might want to change them before your contest: 1. "It would, she supposed, be her masterpiece." 2. " the sweat upon her forehead merged into blood as she worked, pushed herself beyond limitation . . ." Good luck! |
| peppercorn 2005-03-14 ch 1, | Whoa, that was awesome. I really enjoyed reading it, you had great imagery. |
| Matty 2005-03-13 ch 1, | OMG... Omg.. omg. o. m. g. Definately a kick ** story. A little dark. But hm *ponders* ah well :) Is a good story! |
| Spontaneous 2005-03-13 ch 1, | o_o Wow. It scared me. Just... wow. Wow. *speechless* |
| Jareth Valentine 2005-03-13 ch 1, | The idea is great...the style, while not grammatically accurate, is very conducive to the general idea of the piece. The abundance of descriptive details is nearly overwhelming, eliminating all need for proper sentence structure and completely immersing the reader in the vision behind the work. It does, however, make people think, so it will probably be wildly unpopular. :P |
| Raven A. Star 2005-03-13 ch 1, | I remember reading this a while back. o.o Still freaks me out... |