FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Lee Calafalas 2005-03-15 ch 1,  | abusereally well written, I can relate to the feeling, though I'm I don't have to be smitten with someone to be like that :) really good one! |
| heroin zombie 2005-03-14 ch 1, | abuseThere is some nice writing in this, such as "...a thousand words attached to strings are being pulled from my mouth simultaneously and they crash into the walls and on the floor..." But, generally, I feel it's more of a rant than a well thought out piece of literature. :P I'm no grammar guru, but shouldn't it be ones instead of one's...? The final two stanzas/paragraphs were easily the best. So good, in fact, that it makes the rest of the piece look infinitely amateurish. Maybe the driving analogy can be used throughout the whole thing...? |