As a song, that rocks. With a few really shrill rifts maybe, and some grinding, that would rock.

As a poem, oh God no. But I liked your wording, and the swearing fits in well. Nicely done. :)

wow really really cool song. i wish i could hear it with music and stuff. its angry and just beautiful cuz of it. great job.

-coughs- I'm afraid I'm too lazy to log in. ^^

I love this. The language is powerful, and just heavy enough to get the message across. Wouldn't be the same without the swearing.

And this:

Don’t look at meJust one more faceLost in this crowd of broken dreamsNo more tearsTo be shed for my faithYou’re about to make me ** SCREAM

Is wonderful. I love it lots. The only thing I could find to critique, persay (which is my habit, doing the whole well-rounded thing. :P), would be that you're saying the same thing over and over.

But it still rocks. ^^ Now I'ma go read some more of your stuff.

'Prev

great peice, very powerful, i liked it a lot, thank you for sharing