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| Pheobe Meryll 2005-10-23 ch 1,   | This was a nice poem; it seemed heartfelt, and very sad. I liked how you said "people created from the same mould." It really brought your topic home. It didn't have a lot of rythem to it, which is something I look for in poems, but the words were strong, like in your prose. One crtitique - in the last line - "The love do not seem to be there" did you mean "does"? But still a nice job... PS I just realized Stella Polaros is "on hold" so *sniffle* I guess I'll be reading your other story once I can get to it. hope you continue it sooner than later tho! |
| Serana 2005-07-26 ch 1, | A promise is a promise. Anyway, comments on the poem. There were one or two lines where I felt that the rhythm wasn't really there. In other words, they felt a little too long for me and seemed to disrupt the flow of the poem, in that sense (e.g. stanza 1, line 5) There seems to be a little grammatical errors here and there, though I'm not really sure if they are meant to be intentional. Going deeper into the meaning of the words, the little bits of grammar actually seem to personify certain things such as in the last stanza and especially the last 2 lines... somehow it gives me the impression that you're trying to personify 'love' or at least to make it something that isn't immaterial, if you get what I mean. Other than that, I really like the use of contrast in the various lines and stanzas. It helps in bringing out a lot of the various differences between the rich and poor in the society today (and seems to hint at the line "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer"). The use of contrast also seems to be able to draw more sympathy to the speaker as well... so on and so forth... All in all, great attempt at poetry. (haha... at least it isn't rhyming... I think you know what I mean by that... bad injoke... :p). Next! :) |
| kablong 2005-03-23 ch 1, | heya this is a great poem, it gives the reader a deep feeling while giving off a subtle moral behind.. like ur interpretation of the great divide btn the less fortunate and the higher society. N btw i am from singapore too :> |
| death627 2005-03-15 ch 1, | Cool |