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| Caita Rummel 2005-03-15 ch 1,   | Good story, I really liked the descriptions of the setting and the mindset of the protagonist. The one thing I would recommend is checking over your work for stylistic things. Some of your sentences are a bit cumbersome and you have a few comma splices. Aside from that, it was quite good. |
| fejioewjfawoejifvjkljioefew... 2005-03-15 ch 1, | This was well written. I could tell you really researched the background on this. The characters were thought out, and the setting was perfect ... But for some reason I just can't seem to like it that much. It almost borders on boring. The ending was sweet, fluffy, nothing really to say about it. But really, what was the point of this if we can find thousands of others just like it? Predictability killed it, I think. With some new twists in addition to your narrative talent, it could've been great. |