""There's a lot of dead people here," whispered quietly" 'he' or 'Burley' should be put between 'here' and 'whispered.'

"Michael shot Irving a look" whether it was intentional or not, I liked that you used the verb 'shot' here, as it goes with the semantic field of the gun. Keep writing, don't put it down, believe its good, and it will come out good.

Very interesting interplay between characters and scenes...can't wait to read more.

A typo: "and watch you step." 'you' should be 'your'

This is really good. Can't wait to read what happens next.

Hey, just looking at your chapters can tell you that you need detail. You have to put your readers there. Make them a part of the character. Always remember detail. But, not to much. To much of it and you'll bore us. But you do need detail. This reads more like a hollywood script then a novel or story. Give us background on the characters. Let that spin out from the story it's self. Dont' be scared to tell us something that happened before. Maybe tell us what they look like. You don't have to. I like the story it's self. Seems like a cool idea. Although maybe cut down on your characters. To do the story justice you'd need to let them each have moment's for themselves and such so the reader can get into there head. Oh, and another thing make sure each character is seperate. Meaning when a reader reads it you don't want them to get lost in the characters talking. You have to make them each distinct or it's not going to work. Why don't you cut it from 9 back to a smaller number. Just a thought. More and more characters means more and more work. Not that it wouldn't work just that it's a bit easier to just use maybe 3 or 4. These are just thoughts and My imput. You asked to be replied on what I thought I gave it to you. So anyhow hope you have fun at least. That is what is important.

"purportedly" I never knew that, you really do learn something new everyday, lol.

Creepy! It's like "Lost" only closer to civilization. This will be very interesting!

Brilliant mind...Hard to stop following the story ...very interesting.

"I thoughwe didn't know where to go" 'thoughwe' should be 'thought we' unless it was intentional due to his speech.

"Michael pointed it out to those ho didn't see it" 'ho' ahould be 'who'

"It was 3:00, and hour after his supposed flight" 'and' should be 'a'

interesting. I will be baack for updates.

"Michael was sittin next to a girl named Candid Bailey." 'sittin' should be 'sitting'

"Sometime in those blurry memeries" 'memeries' is spelt 'memories'

"purportedly" is spelt 'purposly'

I am intigued enough to read the second chapter.