wow... reminds me of my friends house... nyarr... nice one...

i like it, the rhyme scheme and the feelings, love it.

i like the style--the short fragmented lines. nice job.

I liked this piece. The fragmented style was effective. I would suggest double checking your grammar, and taking another look at your punctuation (take out some commas and whatnot, perhaps.)

Choppy? I suppose it was a little choppy, but it gives off this eeirie feeling calm. Good job!

Yeah, you're right, it is fragmented, but this is also rather good. Suddenly reminded me of a poem I write awhile back likening a spider's web and life...hmm, I wonder where that is.

Aw, very sad. Very inspirational though. I'm glad you're hopeful- don't lose that!Keep your chin up high! Lovely work!