grim-dreamer
2005-03-18
ch 1,  | abuseI like the enjambment you used in the lines 'Praying for a sort of leter he would send/Alive - she hopes to hear from the man she loves'. (I think removing the comma placed after the word 'send' would accentuate the power of the following line better.) The next line after those two, 'If he's dead, she doesn't think her heart would mend' sounds too weak, I think as a consequence of the end rhyme 'mend'. Try a different end rhyme or perhaps revise that whole line, making it more important to the overall structure of the poem because that statement would be a climax in the poem? And why a 'bell'? What does this signify? I don't think your rhyming couplet is strong enough to end the poem. There needs to be a hanging emotion at the end of it. But a good poem, all the same. |
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