Raw and cutting.

Your end summed it up perfectly. The whole thing reminds me of Moulin Rouge.Wonderful job.

Mind-blowing. The first few lines, the title, and the summary gave the impression of a dreamy love poem, but this poem was exactly the OPPOSITE. Wow. You are so good at capturing scenes! In addition, I like the lack of capitalization - makes it flow nicely. However, a few punctuation marks here and there might give the poem a bit more structure and rhythm. My fave lines: "first time was a smile, next was a kiss:/i’m ready to hear that promise"