UPLOAD!

Hey. I really liked this chapter. I like the way you worded things and the way it was written. Good job over all. Now I'm really curious to find out why she wasn't mad at him for his rude thoughts if she can actually read them. I'll read the next chapter when I get the chance, but I just wanted to stop and say, good job. I really liked it. Anyway, I sent you an email, but the postmaster said it was delayed so I don't know if it'll ever get there. And the next chapter is up. Have a great day!Becca.

Interesting start. You sound like you read a fair bit of stuff from times past because you are able to write like it is the past and not now. One thing that I would suggest is instead of starting with the past(the past that's in his mind) and working your way to the present in which he's actually seeing and perhaps soon conversing with someone, interlace the two. I don't really know how to explain it. It's kind of like you should put some stuff that's really happening to him while he's thinking about this stuff. Like you could have the king come in and mention how he thinks that he should invite her to dinner instead of putting it in the past tense and intersperse what he's thinking in between sentences. It's a way of engaging the reader in the here and now. But over all, good chapter. Keep up the good work.Becca

This is a great story, awesome work!!

Hey...again.

Good, but I think I like the other one better. You're a good writer, I'll read as long as you write. Oh, foods here, gotta go. Bye.

I updated my story if you wanna read it. Bye.

Signed, Yes yes, this is good.