haha, i don't know if you did it on purpose.. but u said his name was Jake... and then u started calling him Jack... XD

i loved these stories...i want more of these...probably a complete one...i'm looking forward to it...

I also like this one immensely, its got spunk, and those always make for good story's.

:( I wanted more of this story.

AW! this is definitely ( i know, i cant spell for my life) my favorite...

Aw, cute! Nice short story!

Good! You for sure need to make longer stories out of these. Keep up the good work!

What are all the boxes? Anyway good story. Keep up the good work!

I have one word this. AWESOME! I loved it. This has amazing details. I felt like I was actually there in the scene watching from the sidelines. You MUST make this into a complete story. Oh just one little thing, in the middle of the story you changed his name from Jake, to Jack. Little tiny error, but you may want to look at that. Excellent. If the other stories are as good as this one I am defiantly going to read them asap.

Hey Lindsay!

Thanks for telling me about your work and about Fiction Press. What a cool way to get your writing out there! I really liked the detail in this "short scene," like the bit about the older, worn in furniture and the description of the bathroom mirror. I think you did a good job of not over-doing the description, but giving just enough for it to be colorful.

Suggestion: maybe describe Jack a little more (physically).

wow so cute! aw!

hmm, i really liked this story. it's cute! good work and keep writing!

nice, dramatic, i like it a lot. the whole background part u probably could have written out, but whatever...update!

birdytamel