Reviews for Aelyn's story - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Aelyn's story - Reviews: Page 1 of 36

Slayin-Em 2008-06-29 ch 27,	abuseOkay, this is probably the first story I've read on here set in the past, and at first I was a little wary of reading it. Let me just say you totally did a great job with this story, I read it in one shot and I was hooked. You did a great job at drawing the reader in, and the story was intense when it needed to be, and also really touching. Great job, I loved it.
Written 2008-04-21 ch 26,	abuseaw, I love it! a very sweet epilogue of sorts.
Written 2008-04-21 ch 25,	abuseThat was very sweet :)
Written 2008-04-21 ch 11,	abuseI feel like you're laying it on a little thick with the "my culture is so much better when it comes to treating women" thing. I mean... we know already ;) though the scenario you've shown did happen throughout history too. the romans thought the britons were barbarians for letting women fight, and the christians thought the arabs were barbarians for having women warriors as well. I'm enjoying the story so far.
Written 2008-04-21 ch 7,	abuseI think right now I want her to fall for Gareth... lol. um, so in her country, men can be executed for trying to rape a girl? damn, harsh. even in the US, the penalty's not very harsh.
Written 2008-04-21 ch 3,	abuseI think it's awesome how you show how different cultures treat women... the "enemy" culture respects women but also keeps them from fighting and probably other things... sort of chivalrous, in both the good and bad sense. and her own culture treats women as equals because they have to... I found it interesting because in many third world countries, the working women with the most liberties are also the poorest, because they HAVE to work for a living, you know? so yeah, interesting perspective. and a good ending!
Written 2008-04-21 ch 2,	abusefabulous first chapter. er, second chapter, I suppose. I would say it was weird that she "remembered the prophesy too late" or whatever the phrasing was... I mean, wouldn't she remember it before/during/after EVERY battle? haha, I know I would, if it was a prophesy about my brother. that was just a line though. everything else made a lot of sense. I think maybe a bit more descriptions of her environment would be good, but as is, I wasn't feeling lost. well done!
written 2008-04-21 ch 1, anon.	abuseI have an account, just won't sign in because my internet is SLOW and my computer is dying :) good, quick, start. it hooks. one thing, however: (“Though both will grow up in strength and wisdom, and there will be no noticeable difference in their greatness. The brown-eyed one will fall on the field of battle, but the blue-eyed one will save this people and their land.”) there's something wrong here. take out the comma before the word and, and add a comma after "greatness" if you want it to make sense, but it'll then be too long of a sentence... as is, however, it's incorrect. D: UM. do something to it. how about: "Both will grow up in strength and wisdom, with little difference in greatness." I feel like that makes that first sentence make more sence. ("though" and "and" together make it weird... does that make sense?)
Angel-Leigh Jones 2008-04-20 ch 27,	abusehiya wow i love this book... keep going you are a great writer and i take my hat of to you. :) i have posted 2 stories but they are not finished. no reviews yet. how do you get people to review or even read them thanks again. Angel
anitsirK 2008-03-27 ch 26,	abuseTruly one of the best stories ever written in Fictionpress! :) It is worthy of being published. But of course, some editing will be needed, but that's fine. Probably every story that has ever been published had to be edited. The errors in the story anyway was slight and sparse. :) Just two of the errors I have caught that I would like to point out. One is the time when you used the expression "...add my own two cents."(Chapter 24) The error in this was that there would still be no two cents in the time/era/place/world the story happened so the expression is inappropriate for the story. Another error, one you most likely just overlooked, is the part where you wrote "...tears threatening to spill down my nose."(Chapter 25) I guess you already know the error there, eh? Hahaha... Anyway, my best wishes for you! Happy writing! AND I'll definitely keep reading your works. :) Anyhow,
socksNsandals 2008-01-06 ch 1,	abuseokay i have actually finished reading the whole story but i couldnt be bothered to review the whole time because my internet is so screwed but i have got to say i absolutely LOVED this story!! it is so good!!
Damson Rhee 2007-12-10 ch 27,	abuseWow, that was the most amazing story I have read on fictionpress. You're a really talented writer! And I'm really glad you had Aelyn fall in love with Gareth, and not anyone else. They're just so perfect together. I can't wait to read more of your stuff.
rosieroo 2007-10-24 ch 27,	abusethis story is awesome!! im gonna try reading ur other stories so we ll see if it is as good as this one! bye for now!!
Evenstar1389 2007-09-05 ch 26,	abusethis is perfect sigh..i didnt want it to end. I like this story a lot- good job!
Erisah Mae 2007-09-04 ch 27,	abuseThis is awesome in its scope, and I liked how pragmatic the characters were- I get so sick and tired of the same old cliched shallow teen wangst that comes out of the Romance section, and this story was refreshingly real, for a fantasy setting. Beautiful work :D Erisah

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