Really like this. good chapter. A lot of emotion showing through, a good and non-confusing switch of perspectives, and a strongly developing plot ... not too fast where I feel gypped, yet not too slow where I'm getting bored.

Hope to read more soon.

I really like the end. Her remembering, etc. I really would like to hear/get more and find myself dissapointed that the chapters end so quickly.

But the story is moving at a nice pace. And I like how you go back between perspectives at a pretty equal rate, without it getting bogged down or anything.

This would be a good place to start a new chapter, I think. Unless you plan to add more within the last few ones.

The other three can actually go together as one chapter. Divided by a bit of space. Or simply just stringed together. They flow well.

Since this is a new scene, etc (or is it?), a new start seems fine.

I am a little confused about the setting in this chapter. Are they in the homeroom class or in gym? He's talking about talking to the coach, etc. And his friends just sort of saddle up next to him to talk. But than Ariana is there, talking to the teacher and leaves the class ... so I'm a little lost on that. Might be something you can better clarify in a re-write/edit.

"But this was a Romeo not even Shakespeare could envision." -- Good line. :)

What's with the really short chapters?

Just a question? Do you plan on switching between perspectives often (I guess I'll find that out if I keep reading, eh?)?

You did a very smooth switch between the perspectives and actually don't see the need for this to stand as it's own chapter (if the switch is the reason why you did that). It's a really short chapter and don't see the need for it to stand on it's own.

Also well written. Like how you've been inserting thier prayers in there, etc. I'm writing a story that will cover some relgious themes/happenings ... but haven't been able how to slide it in smoothly yet in the beginning to set it as the tone. You did well :)

So far I'm intrigued. By the summary, but also by the writing. It's good, I like it.

There are some sentences here and there that don't make sense. I think words are missing/misplaced/mispelled, but besides those few stops this is really good. There are also missing punctuation marks (mostly commas) ... but at the moment, I guess it's more about the content and story than anything else, right?

B :)

no no no you should update this. i like it. finally a story with morals AND A plot! woo good job. im hooked you go on the favorites list!

I'm glad you're not afraid to write stories with God in it. i like it.

i loved it please update soon

This is such a wonderful beginning to this story. I'm absolutely amazed at your writing skill and how you handle situations and dialogue. Awesome work and may God bless!

NO! Not again... reading a great story, only to have the chapters end... :-)

Well, I'm really enjoying this story. The initial "meeting chapter" was a little lovey-dovey, but later chapters were much more "real". Update soon!

Great chapter!

Aww... I want him for a brother... Or a boyfriend. Can I have him? Plese?

Good chapter. No mistakes in spelling or grammar as far as I can tell.

good

i have to say this story is awsome and amazing i love it i hope you update soon this story is inspiring i've had a writers block and your story has inspired me to write a faith based story of mine i can't wait to read more