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| mezzie 2005-06-17 ch 1,  | abuseyou have chosen an excellent premise for this work and the title is definitely attractive to the reader. Your images are fairly precise and interesting. The space between things, what it may be comprised of, its distance length and breadth - all an intriguing matter of subject. maybe that is why I felt left short with this piece because there was so much more to talk about in it - more for it to be than what you take it from with your well done wide descriptive beginning, down to only the feeling of a missed line in a performance. Your first verse is the best executed. The second is the next best but the last line is a little heavy and ungraceful just because of the way you have phrased it, the order of the words. try saying it out loud and changing the position of some words until it complements the feeling you are going for with the other three lines of the verse.Honestly, I love where you begin in this but there are so many more places to go with it and I would be fascinated to see what else you could say about that space between.keep it up ;) mezzie |
| born-again 2005-04-07 ch 1, | abuseSo beautiful, I love"Like a staccatoIn the air;A silent leap of faithThat lands softly and gracefully like a ballerina." |
| Aibari 2005-04-02 ch 1, | abuseBeautiful. Loved the last three lines. |
| catseyeview 2005-03-30 ch 1, | abuseI read this out loud, I like the contemporary sound to it. Nice work! |
| Manuel Fajar 2005-03-28 ch 1, | abuseLeaves me thinking about pauses,—moments waiting to be filled, yet full of their be-ing-ness. m |
| Clueless-Patty 2005-03-28 ch 1, | abuseVery good. It has a nice pace and the words and how you described things were awesome. Keep it up! |
| The Sleepy Poet 2005-03-28 ch 1, | abuseI like it. It describes something soo real, something all or us knows about. |