great job i really liked it keep writing 4 eva and always PLease R&R me sometime Thankx

ScArReD HeArT

wow, that was good. You should write more. It's really powerful.

wow this poem is really powerful keep it up

that's so fucking good

Wow, very powerful, great job!

beautiful! hehe, really amazing, I love the idea- glad for the happy ending, really glad.

very powerful and beautifully written poem.. I can totally relate.. amazing job

very, VERY good. the first line grabbed my attention right away and it held it there. def one of your best ones

The song is okay, but it could definitely be better. Considering that I think this song is literally narrating an event, (if it is symbollic to something else, let me know.) the kind of bittersweet approach to the idea of cutting, then having someone make you all better, is over used. Period. To make this song seem unique and yours, you should first stop using general words. Words like pain, hurt, and broken are so general and are used too much that they have lost their feeling. What kind of pain? What happened to cause pain? I think the use of antonyms to describe the true emotion you're trying to convey will make the song seem a little less cliche. Instead of saying:

"Because every time I’m with you

I just don’t know what pain feels like."

You could say:

Because every time I'm with you,I only know what (insert antonym for pain here) feels like.

It uses the same structure, just something different in the middle. Of course, don't use that exactly because that is horrible. That is just an example of how the technique can work.

You could also just describe the situation that caused pain or make a metaphor for it, so the reader (or maybe one day listener, since this is a song) would just assume, "Oh, they're feeling pain right there!"

I hope I helped a little. I'm not trying to be mean or say that what I suggested is the way to write. If you don't like anything I suggested, completely disregard it. I'll read more of your work in later days!

Danielle

eh this one is really pretty too, but its not something i really want to think about. its sad, but it sounds healing too. it makes a great song, not random dicussion online.