Review Marathon! (If you're confused, check out my profile ;))

I'm not gonna lie, I was completely confused the whole time I was reading this. Part of the reason might be that you switch POVs, except I didn't realize it because there was no way to tell until I was already halfway through the section. Could you maybe insert lines or something in between the different sections so we can tell you've switched POV?

I also found your tense changes distracting. You were in past tense mostly, but then you switched all over the place, and I'd focus on that instead of the story...whatever it was. Keep an eye on that, because it's a little distracting and sloppy.

Interesting...I find your writing style kind of refreshing though I caution that you try to cut down on the length of your sentences. :) ( i tend to do that alot ).

Other than that...nice,

until next time,


~nicola~

you're such a good writer! good description! I have no advice to give to you. ever think about writing a book? I think it would be good!

O! This is really good! Another culture too! I love the name Ciel. All the names are awsome. I wonder if the sister can tell what will happen through her dreams? I wonder if Aoma will save her, or if he's even alive? Can't wait for the next chapter! ^^