There are a couple of typos here - the kind where words are missing a space (Iwhispered), (I.D.s andbusiness cards in it).

I would have liked to know more about the voice - maybe an impression, what Simone thinks he might look like - just a few words that add color or humor. Right now the interchange is very factual, and I think you have an opportunity to tease the reader that you've missed.

This is cute. I'll be back to read more.

I liked this chapter much more than (2). I would actually suggest that you reorder - or blend them. I felt that (2) was repetitive, and (1) was so strong that it felt a bit like a dessert I didn't need.

This however sets scene, gives me some insight into "I", although I'd like more. Nice forshadowing.

I generally don't like first person stories that start with "I" because it lacks grounding - I don't know where the character is, what they look like, or why they exist. However, in this case, I might revise that opinion. In a prologue sort of mode it works.

I loved the last line - give you just that amount of tension to add 2 plus 2 and get 4. Nice start.

You *finally* updated! Now if only you'll do the same for "What Child Is This"... *hint hint* ;]

grr...while this isn't exactly a cliffie, I still want to find out what happens...;)

I enjoy this story; you do a very good job at outlining the inner conflict and grief that the main character harbours. Keep it up!

Good chapter though maybe you should have placed this all in the first chapter like a prologue and then start the movie cause she's looking back on her life and stuff and then she gets to the plot. you know? but this is still pretty good!

Great chapter! pretty good beginning!

Dwight? I had a bad feeling about him from the get-go...

So...are you updating anytime soon? Btw, this is *almost* as good as "Who's That Girl?"...:)

Certainly kept me reading. I like the slow build up of suspense, and there's some good backstory. Very convincing.

I look forward to reading the rest!

I really like how this is going, with plenty of character development and a slow build-up. A lot of great psychological thrillers have started out like that - slow and sombre.

If there's one constructive criticism I can offer, it's that you over-describe a bit. For instance, the sentence "Heartbroken and inconsolable, I cried for days" was somewhat jarring. Of course she's heartbroken and inconsolable; tell me something I can't figure out on my own! IMO, it would work better if you just broke up the paragraphs with a simple "I cried for days."

Anyway, this review's getting lengthy, but I really do see great potential in your story. Keep it up.

Oh, and Simone has *excellent* taste in films!

This seems really promising. Simone's narrative is perfectly realistic, and I love all the little references to Hitchcock. I just hope you'll get this story to turn out as suspenseful as his films!

Oh dear. Something gives me the impression she's in more trouble now than she was before.

Just thought I'd check out some of your other stuff too...

This is really cool, though you might want to pick up the pace when it comes to the action. The chapters are short--perhaps conglomerate these first three into one chapter of exposition before the action starts? I'm anxious to see what happens, because the character's voice is fantastic. Write more of this, please!