I think this poem is especially good-I like the way you merge the mundane and the extreme and it works really well.line 2 - reword flutter, too predictable.line 5 - reword bobbing, same.line 9 - I really love.stanza 4 - I also really love.stanza 5 - I like the idea, I think it can be stronger without losing it's subtlety. Difficult, I know..kevin