Reviews for Avery Susan Sanders is not an Ass

Reviews For: Avery Susan Sanders is not an Ass - Reviews: Page 1 of 145

hideseekkeep 2008-10-16 ch 39,	abuseI read this over the course of two nights and I found it rather enjoyable. I do have a few notes of constructive criticism though. First off, it felt like there was an issue regarding consistency in personality that came up during a few moments. I thought having Colin cheat on Avery didn't make complete sense, especially since he had been described in earlier chapters as being quite kind, and it felt like his personality had taken a 180 in order to suit plot purposes. Perhaps if there had been more hints of him having a wandering eye, etc. then it would have been less of a jarring shift in his personality (or perhaps I had missed something during my quick reading of your story?). I was also rather disturbed with the way Avery handled the situation of Colin cheating on her--deciding she was going to lose her virginity to him at that instant. While I guess this could be attributed to her having been extremely upset, it just didn't really seem to fit her personality. Avery had been portrayed as a person who really stuck to her values regarding her virginity and, to have her throw it all away in such a fashion due to her anger/sadness, didn't seem like a logical option for her to take. First off, losing your virginity during rough post-fight sex does not seem like it would be pleasant AT ALL and secondly, with Avery's charms, I think there would have been a number of other things she could have done in response to the news that would have still guilted Colin into staying with her (I mean, the guy had initially been enchanted with a mere nose wrinkle). By no means am I a prude, but Avery's decision in the situation definitely made me lose some respect for her. There also felt like there were some loose ends/some things that got resolved too quickly, which I think you could have used to your advantage. I think the situation regarding Avery's mother and her addiction could have been touched on more. I had really enjoyed the way you had characterized the relationship between Avery and Jack in this regard, where he was the only guy who knew about her mother's issues. It added so much more depth to their relationship, but we never really got to see more develop in that respect because we never really heard about Avery's mom again except briefly. I also wish we could have seen more of what happened with Jack's father and his dislike for Avery (when Avery sleepily said "I'm not a tramp" in Chapter 25, it absolutely BROKE my heart!). There was some really good angst involved in that situation and it could have led to an awesome confrontation between father and son and perhaps further strengthened Avery and Jack's relationship. I really enjoyed the dynamic you had between Avery and Jack, particularly during the first half of the story (I absolutely loved the chapter when they go to the festival together; it was quite charming). I do think, however, that the end pay-off was slightly anti-climactic. There was no real conflict that came in the way of them being together other than Avery's self doubt that they wouldn't work. I think this is where the issue of Jack and his father might play in well--perhaps Jack's father takes away Avery's scholarship due to some stupid policy he creates just for Avery's situation so he can kick her out and then Jack ends up defending her, thus showing her the depth of his feelings or whatever. But I guess this story IS categorized as humor/romance, so perhaps this doesn't apply. I'm SO sorry for the long, critical review. Hopefully you don't think I'm a complete jerk or anything. Please know that I DID enjoy your story and that I just wanted to write this review in hopes that it would give you some things to consider. Overall though, you've got a pretty solid writing style and you create some pretty interesting, unique characters that readers can enjoy (obviously you're doing something right, with all the reviews you got). I'm looking forward to reading some of your other works and wish you all the best in everything.
faithful.dream 2008-10-13 ch 39,	abuseso sweet ! i love it !
Ms ShiSha 2008-10-12 ch 39,	abuseHey, i just read that in one go .. whhow .. yeah, well - very nice story! i liked how you didn't make ave and jack really hate each other, it was more of a disliking at the very beginning but then their relationship was always friendly and yet they just slowly started getting real friends. i also liked how you made jack the typical womanizer but didn't show off or more like he didn't show off his women,- you didn't make ave stumble in on him having sex with another girl (maybe apart from the very first chapters which is ok at the beginning) and i really appreciate it cause normally i feel somehwat disturbed reading scenes like this somewhere in the middle or at the end of the story when the love-interests are already obvious ... nicely written and very original ending!
ginabella59 2008-10-09 ch 39,	abuseyour story was beautiful and very well writing. Ty for enjoyed my day.
rys.se 2008-10-03 ch 35, anon.	abuseomg .. it was so weird reading this chapter because my name is 'ariana' and then when I saw Arianna, I was like .. ". . . " this is extremely awkward. Coincidence, much ?
Unhappy Squirrel 2008-10-01 ch 39,	abuseI read your story and the plot was very well developed and all-in-all the story itself was well-written. There were, however, a few grammatical mistakes. One I saw pop up a lot was 'anyways.' There is no 's' at the end. Some of the names got mixed up (which is fairly common with such a large amount of characters) so it was a little difficult to follow, but it was easy to figure out what you were saying. Nice job and I hope you keep up with writing, you're good at it.
Anon 2008-09-30 ch 4, anon.	abuseSomething just occured to me, jack's name is jack (well duh) and avery's initials are **, so together it's jackASS!! Teehee.
Gerty aka Angel 2008-09-19 ch 39,	abuseaw...
xoxhp 2008-09-17 ch 39, anon.	abuseughh, that was one amazing story! im so jealosu of avery and im so upset it ended =( but im happy with the way it ended lol. I love your stories! You're an amazing writer! Thanks!
Alyson.xox 2008-09-17 ch 39,	abuseWow, That was amazing! aha, I couldn't wait till Avery and Jack got together, it took so long lol, but it was amazing, I loved it. your quite talented :)
xoxhp 2008-09-16 ch 12, anon.	abuseI am loving this storyy =) Even though I've only read 12 chapters it's amazingg! No offense though, I'm hoping that in the next chapters.. Avery and Jack get together because.. even though Colin is a great guy, I think it's too perfect. And Jack definitely needs to take over! BUT none the less, GREAT STORY. Okay, Im gonna go fnish reading it haha
Elle Winters 9 2008-09-12 ch 39,	abuse. are you one for subtle messages or is it just me? because with the O's and X's.. they seem like hugs and kisses
Elle Winters 9 2008-09-12 ch 23,	abuseI can't count 5.. michelle aunt sophie jack kayla? ??
Elle Winters 9 2008-09-11 ch 4,	abuse“Maybe he’s not such a jackass.” was that supposed to be a pun on jack and avery? =)
mysterious disaster 2008-09-07 ch 39,	abuseI really enjoyed reading this story, you did an awesome job with it. I hoping to read more of your stories in the future. Just wondering are you going to make a sequel of this story? That would be pretty interesting if there was a sequel. But if not, I've enjoyed it!

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