Pretty cool. Definitely needs a proper ending, though. Stopping it here would be like stopping, say, "Bohemian Rhapsody" before it got to the "Galileo, Galileo!" part. Also (being the quibbling, grammar-loving type that I am) I must point out that you used the word "crude" incorrectly in the prologue/ first chapter. "Crude," the way you used it, would generally be understood to mean "rude, obscene or vulgar," rather than "unkind," as you apparently meant it.

Still, cool story. Keep it up. And please, review my story "Vampire's Wake." C'mon, it's got vampires in it!

I like it... a good, somewhat disturbing sort of story. I do think you should write more in it, though.

I really liked the dream part. Nice imagery. Very freaky. Kudos.

ok. first about the whole prologue thing. i think it should be called a chpater. a prologue is more of a background history. the story is quite frankly, disturbing. but then, thats just the way you right. it was good writing, i just dont agree w/ all the goryness of it. but HEY you wrote the story not me.

It certianly is a nice little begining. I like it so far though there isn't much to it. Keep writing I'll check in on it now and then.

Review me bakc please.