Ok, I reviewed this a long long time ago, and came back to see you'd added an additional chapter.

It has a good concept, however, there is little content to your chapters. You need to fill it out. Add descriptions, tell us more about the place, what the character sees, smells, hears, etc.

Also, your story needs to be believable by the reader, even if you are writing an out there story line. This means diving into your characters feelings. Give her doubts, insecurities, scepticism, etc. Make her human.

Good concept, but I think you need to work on things like grammar and sentence structure. It seemed a bit to fast-paced, so try to slow it down a bit. Are you planning on developing the characters more? If yes, great. They all seem a tad flat right now, particularly the main character. That said, can't wait for more!

Hey~Ha, becky sounds like me. Guess what? I'm sick! FEVER! so just to warn you, i'm sorry if i get you sick! lol. sorry.

lol, i think i know which of our friends Becky is based on...horses...heeheehee...

very nice, Ciara! I applaud your use of the word "tandem"!

YES! SUSPENSEFULNESS!

wow...wow... Whats gonna happen?!?! Love the chapters, but pleez try and make them longer! I don't do good with suspense...unless I'm writing it cause then I know whats going to happen...rambling... update soon!Katie

This is great, although you may want to make the chapters just a tad longer. I can't wait for more!

"he noticed" HEEHEEHEE LEETLE SHIVERS RUNNING DOWN MY SPINE! YAY!

lookie i revieweded! you should feel very special. ONE FIG NEWTON!

Sounds intriguing. That's why my name saus I'm intrigued. Wait. Damnit. I'm reviewing Chapter 1 again. Damnit anonymous reviews!

Chapter 2's cool. Blah. Write more or face the wrath of ME ASKING YOU OUT AGAIN! Yeah.

Well, I must tend to my bleeding.

-Joe/LH

Hey!oh! I see romance! we! looks like u've taken a leaf out of my book! lol. i'll send u the email now...k...ttylKatie

I like this story. It could use a little rounding out in these first two chapters though. Add a little more detail to balance out all of the dialogue. I love the concept though :) Keep writing!

Shut up Katie.

Very intriguing. Write more or FACE MY... uh... hmm... WELL JUST WRITE MORE.

YAY! STORY! Llewelyn! does she have a brother named...Connor? *grin* oh, and one mistake: shiny has only ONE 'n'. my email is "shinybubble", so i thought you knew that. i'm so going to get smacked for that...*hides*

GR8 STORY! UPDATE SOOP! i mean, SOON!

Hey ciara! Its Katie only...joe's slow at the moment. Of course, im the only one here now... which would explain that.

Anyways, I love the story! It sounds like its going to have a great plot! I'm excited about it...yay! A good story!

Enough of that... back to dictator sidekick! YAY.

Katie/Ichabod Ichabob Ecoli Crane

hehehe