Don't you love it when people pick apart the rhyme scheme of your satire? This is a fun take on terrible goth poetry. I especially enjoyed the quote (intentional or not) from "Low Rider" by War ("Take a little sip...") to make things just that much more ridiculous. And you simply MUST end all bad goth poetry with an invitation to hell. Top notch!

I can understand the humour in this as me and a friend had a shared joke over a similar thing.

I think that in this poem, you're trying almost too hard to rhyme and it shows. I've read some of your free verse poems and I really liked those. Rhyming poetry is very difficult to do without it seeming forced. Maybe I am a little too difficult to please, but for me, too many poets find a word, write down everything that rhymes with it and try to make something from it. But your free verse is excellent and very deep! :) Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

I really like this, despite trying to be funny, I think it's better taken more literally.

interesting concept, liked the lines:"Take a little sipTake a little trip"-they were a great rhyme.