Reviews for Advocate - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Advocate - Reviews: Page 1 of 21

Feere Gorone 2008-01-11 ch 37,	abuseHi. I just finished your story Advocate, and thought it was great. However, I have a question. You know when Sarah bought the Indignation from the Sorcerer's Guild? Well I noticed she never used it. Did she throw it away when she learnt the truth about the Guild, or what? Your loyal fan, Feere Gorone
cherrypiesizzle 2008-01-10 ch 1,	abuseAWESOME! I love fantasy x)
Feere Gorone 2007-12-02 ch 1,	abuseI just read the first chapter of your story, and I thought it was one of the best I've read in a long time. I'll be reading the whole thing, and the sequel too. So ya, great story.
bugger off 2007-10-01 ch 37,	abusefinished. :) i love it. :) will check out sequel now. :) yay! XD
bugger off 2007-10-01 ch 32,	abuse:) sweet. very cute. lol
bugger off 2007-10-01 ch 29,	abuse:) its been ages since i've read a fantasy story like this. i miss it. :) yay!
Hikari Emi 2007-06-12 ch 4,	abuseHeyo again! Hikari here. I really really like the changes you made to chapter 4. They really do make the chapter better, not that it wasn't good before, but i think you know what i mean. There's a lot more connections and foreshadowing i noticed than in the original chapter. ^_^ I applaud! ~Hikari Emi~
CyberDragon10K 2007-05-08 ch 1,	abuseWow, I seem to be bumping into many talented women from the US these days. (sorry, inside joke for me, and it's lost all humor) oO;; I saw one of your stories after recently updating my own, and I followed the links to your profile. I was pleasntly intrigued. Seldom do I find a gamer girl, and there's definitely a good selection of work for me to browse through. ^^ I'll be reviewing as I read, and any spelling/grammar corrections will be confined to between these: []. It's an adopted system, but I find it's quite fun. xD Onward! O= =-=-=-= Atticus sounds like a famous guy. :P I'm not sure if I'd say your opening descriptions go overboard, but they flow well and are nicely detailed. There's good variety, and even the long descriptions keep me interested. :] I'm in a state of unease after reading those "thought" segments to your paragraphs. Yes, I realize they're Sarah's, but maybe you should treat them like dialogue? I'm not sure, but that might be a clearer approach. Check out my fic if you'd like to see an example. ;D Pay ONLY with money... I love this girl. xD I'm quite impressed with the story thus far too; no abhorid errors as far as I've seen, so I gather you've done maybe half a dozen revisions if not more (or live updates to fix grammar/spelling). Most impressive. ^^ Suspense as the thief cloes in! oO;; Ooh... I like this. He's definitely an odd one, I'll say that much. O= Hm... when Matt introduces himself and explains he has no money, the paragraphs feel a bit clustered. You could probably do well by breaking off dialogue into its own paragraph for each line from a single character. Just a suggestion. :/ Lightning? Makes me wonder what else the guy knows. :P Brains over brawn... I begin to like this Matt. :] I notice your detail work has been drowning out your other focuses. I'm not a big fan of randomly jumping subjects, although it is intriguing how gems play a roll in your world's economy. ^^;; Suavé this Matt is... although I feel rich sorcerors have been done before. :/ You say bounty hunters don't use magic, but I'm not so ready to accept that. Surely a magic wielding bounty hunter would be an interesting thought, no? :] Reivin... hm... this is becoming interesting. ^^ Wow, myriad of characters much? oO;; Ah... this old trick. Atticus has just risen on the "intriguing meter" of mine. :D Haha... silly Sarah and her "need to know" basis. Although I imagine she'd get fried for being honest with Matt. xD =-=-=-= Now this is truly an impressive beginning. I'll admit that even I had trouble keeping focus once you started burying us (the readers) in the random details, but they were nicely outlined. and they ARE preventing questions regarding plot holes (as my fic is earning... xD). ^^;; The writing style is excellent. It flows well, and none of the characters are overly exaggerated or underplayed. Matt and Sarah are good at drawing in audiences, and I expect you'll only get more as you keep writing. :] I'll be back... another time. ;D PS: No actual spelling errors at all; now I'm convinced this you've revised into the double-digits!
Sazuki 2007-03-15 ch 2,	abuseHi! Me again! :) I'm so immersed in your story, I forget to review. About the time Matt shouts "Stay down!" I shake myself and remember to poke this little review box. Heh. Backing up a bit, grammar-wise (I know, I know I always say I'll attack characterization, but I can't help this). I think it should be "I'm usually not that careless..." instead of "I'm not usually so careless." But eh, anyway. Heh. I'm imagining the plaguehounds from World of Warcraft. I really played that too much... So he does that ZOMGAWESOME spell and he's not even tired? Okay, he's not your average sorcerer. I'm assuming using that much magic is normal for him. I hope to see evidence of this later. -stares you down- Grasslands right? How much can they see out here? How far does their vision go? So the blood or the sword shines in the moonlight? "The silver, double-edged blade was coated in blood, shining brilliantly in the light of the moon." It's a bit confusing there. How does the magic work? Elemental based? I'm assuming this so far...do you explain more about your magic later? I sure do hope so... "It's okay. Your intentions were good." Ha this reminds me of a Kamelot song where Kahn sings "How could I be condemned for the things that I've done, if my intentions were good?" How far do you stretch that, hmm? I like your fight scene. It could be better, but hey, anything could always be better. -- Why IS Matt so carefree with his money? Now I'm getting curious. I try so hard not to get hooked and hyper about something, but you've caught me hard. :) -- Oh wow. Now he's definitely going to enter, isn't he? LOVE this story. And I'm only on the second chapter. :) ~Saz
Sazuki 2007-03-12 ch 1,	abuseHi there, a friend of mine once knew a Kitai from Don't know if it's you or not, but I just thought that was a interesting tidbit of info and a different way to start a review. Which, I see this story was written a while ago but I have to review every chapter so here we go: So, here we are. Typical small town where "nothing ever happens" Most fantasy seems to have a few of these. I like Sarah so far. I find it hard to stop myself from reading to tell you this. "Need had the ability to drive people." - I like this quote. It's so true. For some reason, the thought came to my head...Most people would've told that encounter (where Sarah steals what's-his-face's moneyz) from the guy's point-of-view instead of Sarah. And I like the way your character, Sarah, has developed so fast. I'm already finding myself connecting to her. It's interesting how you shift character PoV so effortlessly...you've definitly got some talent for writing. And, wow, i REALLY fell in love with your characters fast. Sarah, I connect to personality wise. Matt, I love because he's apparently got some nifty 'power' or something thereof...and he's overall smiley and nice. :) The story overall does have a video game, anime feel to it, but I'm a sucker for those kinds of stories...when they're done well. And as far as I care, you're doing it well. Heh. Don't you love these compliments? I try to find constructive criticism, and arg... -shrug- I'm beginning to be as nice in reviews as my author... Matt's so goddamn nice. Normally, that would ** me off, but there ARE people like that in real life...so cheers for Matt! :) I think I know why these characters are so great now. They're not the typical stupid young main characters. They're both mature and whatnot...Sarah is a thief because she has no choice and she's good at it. Matt's personality kinda identifies him as a glass-half-full way of seeing life, yet he's not portrayed as stupidly naive. "If someone can tell me why he deserves to be killed, then I'll hunt him." - I adore his philosophy. Cheers! Well, I loved it, and I'm definitely adding you to my list of 'authors who know how to create characters.' :) Cheers and cheerios mate ~Saz
toxic-noodle725 2007-01-22 ch 38,	abusegreat story!!
Delandred 2006-12-11 ch 1,	abuseThis is really good, your writing is different to most of the ones i see on here. Great job.
YamiKinoko 2006-08-26 ch 37,	abuseOMGOMGOMGOMG!! Awesome, freaking awesome!! ^^ You have an extremely unique style and believe me, I've seen a lot of writers!! ^^ I'm sorry Davin died [though it was a very dramatic way to go, kudos to you for that], but the twist with Xiphias and Sepfeer? Flippin' brilliant!! I'd shake your hand, but honestly? That's a tad pushing it considering I'm on this side of the computer... Anyways, it was great the way you did the fight when he died though, that was good. Very good. As for Sarah and Matt's relationship [I'm a fluff ** ya see, I'm only a smidgeon ashamed of it]... CAN I SAY FLIPPIN' BRILLIANT?? Actually, I think I already said that somewhere up there... But they are so cute. Really. And while most authors [me] tend to overdo with the waff, you didn't. At all. Simple and sweet, just the way it should be. ^^ Great job! ^^ Some very minor typos, nothing really worth mentioning, I better end my review before FP cuts it off for me... In summary, great work and I'm totally going to read the sequel if you'll excuse me...
Chidori vs Rasengan 2006-08-04 ch 1, anon.	abusea friend of mine whose name i shall not mention (coughcoughLordSkooniecoughcough) suggested this fic for me, knowing i have a weakness for fantasy fics like yours, and damn that bastard! he got me hooked on to this fic T_T just so you kno, i will be checking this story often after i make a fictionpress account, so count on it!
Flying Hamster of Doom 2006-06-18 ch 37,	abuseFirstly: I would like to say that this is a really great story. I really enjoyed reading it. Secondly: not to be mean,but some parts were kind of predictable. (ex. somehow you knew that Matt was Atticus just by reading the first few chapters) try to keep your readers guessing at things. well...I'm off to read some of your other work. -see ya-

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