About the facial expressions question/answer with my previous comment, that makes sense! I hadn’t thought about the pov switch—of course Heruvael wouldn’t describe what a smile looks like on his fellow hyarmi. Consider that little confusion a thing of the past! I should add here that I really enjoy the pov changes in the story—they let us see the fledgling from all sorts of perspectives, and that adds a lot of fascinating dimension (and diversity!) to the tale!

“For the sake of the bay pony Willow, who bore their provisions, Heruvael alternated between a rapid two-legged walk and a four-legged lope with the pony at a trot.” It’s telling that he considers the pony’s comfort but not the fledgling’s—and ava on foot over long distances doesn’t seem to be a good combination! Serves him right later when Vrnyden is able to fly over the river without even getting damp, heh heh!

“Upon adjusting to the hyarmi shape, the slender cub kept up with him without difficulty, even when the healer-hyarmi quickened the pace in a thoughtless attempt to wear him out and prove his own superior vitality.” Oh my goodness, hehe, really, Heruvael?

“Not daring to hope that the fledgling had abandoned him…” Heh. I’m definitely on the “amused” side of the fence here—what a fun little scrooge of a character!

The pony herds system is very interesting—what a neat idea, hair-beads and all! And I love it that all of the ponies have names ^_^

“Heruvael growled, opened his mouth to say something biting, and wound up drinking his words.” Love that phrasing—great image!

Awesome chapter—one of my favorites so far ^_^

More hyarmi, yay! And my, but they are clever little critters! I didn’t remember that they were so advanced in the sciences, as well. I think I’m going to need to break out a companion biology book if I want to keep up with Hu-Harek…

“Fantastic! Heruvael stifled a growl.” Grumpy little cuss, isn’t he? After finishing the chapter, I just love this character!

“Hu-Harek cast him a faint smile, moving back toward her stool.” The word “smile” threw me a bit here—I was getting used to the alternate descriptions of the hyarmi expressions, and for some reason I had trouble equating “smile” with “nose crinkling.” Just an observation!

“At Heruvael’s started movement, she shook her head.” Is that meant to be “startled”?

“Hu-Harek smirked. ‘I am also glad to inform you that I have chosen you to be his instructor.’” Heh heh, I enjoy the interaction between these two. Methinks Hu-Harek might be a wee bit sadistic in her old age, and it suits her well ^_~

Great chapter—moved the story along smoothly and set up the next step of the fledgling’s journey (in spiffy new woolen leggings, at that!) very nicely. On to the next!

Poor fledgling! Thinking he was so close to finding his kind again only to learn they're all gone... I'd cry, too!

I should say, I adore the depictions of your original characters/races' unique expressions and mannerisms. I can tell you've put a lot of thought into them, and that detail makes them "real" in a way that less carefully designed characters could never be. Very nicely done throughout!

I do have a question about the physiology--wing-tears? Is this something real birds have, as well? It makes sense, I suppose, to help care for the feathers, but I have no idea as usual. I really need to break out the zoology books again, it seems ^_~

Another intriguing chapter, overall. And this is where we get "Vrnyden"--ahah! It's a lovely-sounding name, to be sure--fitting to the fledgling's handsomeness ^_^ So, is that pronounceable in human-speak, or just hyarmi? Just curious!

O, I'd forgotten the prettiness of the hyarmi hideout! And I use the term "hideout" simply for the fun alliteration--"palace" seems more apt! The door is especially neat--I'd love to see that illustrated, though I can only imagine how long such a feat would take!

I'd also forgotten the fuzzy little hyarmi could howl like that... eerie, in a way! But the troop of little fuzzballs chasing after the fledgling on his way to see Hu-Harek more than made up for this lapse in cuteness ^_^

I did find something which you might want to fix if you haven't yet: “Dawn had set the eastern horizon ablaze when the hyarmi set out southward again, accompanied by the shape-changer in his new [missing words?] clouds veiled...”

And one more moment of funny to make me love the chapter: “Then, inexplicably to the ava, they lay down and napped.” Haha! What must he have thought ^_~

Lovely work as always--and I look forward to rediscovering how Hu-Harek knew the fledgling was coming and what happens next!

Hello!

I'm working on reading this from where I left off last time, and I have had to backtrack a few chapters to remind myself what has happened (being so terribly delayed in finishing this lovely story!)--and I had to comment here.

I remember the grouse incident very well, but that did not keep me from laughing again when I read it this time! From the grouse's bewilderment to the fledgling's amusement and hasty retreat, the scene is priceless ^_^

And, as usual, I am thoroughly impressed by your attention to the natural world--I can describe a good many plants and animals, but I can certainly not name them all! Reading this beautifully detailed chapter makes me want to go outside and get to know my backyard better ^_~

Well, I'm off to read on! Talk at ya later!

Jaren

Such a wonderful ending! It was nice to see a bit of a lighter note there, to see Arun's absolute joy. I particularly enjoyed the beginning; it was so nice to see something as mundane as gardening after all these heavier events.

I also especially liked the last line. So simple, and it sums up so much.

Thank you for such an amazing journey.

The thing that struck me the most about this chapter was the natural beauty of its settings. You've done a wonderful job of describing them and I could see them quite clearly. It was very lovely to see the hyarmi sacred lands in winter, even on such a sad occasion. It had a lovely peace that accented Haliuk's very nicely.

I also enjoyed seeing how you linked Vrnyden's grieving with the seasons--the need to be secluded for a time before emerging like the spring. It worked well.

I wish I had something more profound to say, but I'm afraid my emotions have the better of me. I was very worried when I read about the death posting on Vrnyden's return and it was almost a relief to find out it was the Master Historian. The link between his despair and death was eloquent.

You really are determined to make me cry, aren't you? There are so many different kinds of sorrow in this story. I love how you can capture that and give each its own texture.

I was very sorry to see that Heruvael has let his shame get the better of him. It obviously hurt Vrnyden very much.

The final scene with Haliuk was also very touching. It's nice to see death portrayed as a natural and inevitable thing and that Haliuk accepts what is to come. It's still somewhat grieving, however.

And he's right--Heruvael really must have been dropped on his head.

A much more gentle melancholy in this opening scene, tempered by Hu-Harek's acceptance of the loss of her friend, though I think the setting helped. I chuckled over her line about throttling the Changer with one of his outfits--he has had a great presence in these last few chapters.

Hileko! I should have known. I'm afraid I didn't recognise him from his earlier descriptions. It's nice to see him here and so happy--it was a lovely meeting between the pair.

The fledgling hesitated. “Only one question?”
He's a quick learner, isn't he?

Nice to see the explanation of Vrnyden's feelings for Heruvael. Of course, a broken wing would mean so much more to him.


“Such a resolve will bring you suffering.” Her tone was a warning.
“I suffer already.”

This rings true with me on such a deep level. I must respect such a viewpoint.

Hileko is such a delight. It was a lovely way of ending the chapter after such sadness.

What an ordeal! To have to sit through such an interrogation after reliving the worst events of his life! I cheered when Hu-Halle told them off. I particularlu liked the line:

“You never yell, Fourth Judge,” the young man said, casting her a strained smile. “Give me a chance to recover from my shock.”

"Forbear, and he might have been willing to speak with you again." I found something strange about this sentence. "Forbear" doesn't seem to quite match up with the rest. I'm not sure if it's an issue with tense, but I'd think about changing "have been" to "be".

I also like the way Hu-Harek always speaks to Vrnyden with unfailing politeness.

Hu-Harek and the Subverted, eh? That game has gone through a few incarnations!

A lovely last line to finish on.

"and I could not help her, I could not do anything." The pain in these words brings tears to my eyes. Actually, I spent much of the chapter bawling my eyes out. It captures the feel of a "national tragedy" well and reminds me of the recent bushfires. But only a few hundred lives were lost there--this is an entire race.

"Fifth Judge Ren’s voice shook as he relayed the translation." I like this little touch. For me it captures how even though the events took place some time ago and to other people, it still holds a profound and personal shock for the individual hearing the news. Something that transcends race.

"I wanted to protect her. More than anything, I wanted to protect her.” This was what really got me crying. The profound helplessness of it and the grief. Hearing about the fate of his family, and particularly his sister, was absolutely heartbreaking.

The last line of his speech made me smile, without lessening the tragedy at all.

I can only imagine how draining it must have been to write. I feel wrung out simply reading it.

"...while Third Judge Alrek tended to add unneeded quips and remarks..." He's a cheeky one, isn't he? But although he adds a more light-hearted touch to the chapter, it doesn't overcome the feelings of nervousness and anticipation.

The last section in particular read well. I was totally entranced and completely forgot that I was reading a story at all. I liked Hu-Halle's wordless encouragement to Vrnyden--and I'm sure it's going to be remembered by the observant afterwards. I was a bit shocked by the crowd's extreme reaction to the fledgling, though in light of earlier chapters I shouldn't have been. Thank goodness for the mages!

“Er…humans don’t do that,” Hulik said. “Not if they’re sober.”

Love it. It definitely had me chuckling.

"By day’s end, both merchants would know what sort of person they had aided; undoubtedly they would still be bragging about it in a year’s time." Another lovely line here.

I liked Hu-Halle's description of human meat. I can well relate to her opinions.

You can almost see the wheels turning in Vrnyden's head in that discussion about loneliness, thinking of Arun.

"She gestured at her abdomen, and his whiskers pricked." Too funny! Hu-Halle handled it well, though. As I said, I like her more and more.

The more I see of Hu-Halle the more I like her. I like that she is direct enough to ask Vrnyden about his emotions rather than simply floundering around and making guesses.

"At length Hu-Halle patted Hulik’s arm, told him he should have become a lore-gatherer, and ordered him to be quiet and go to sleep." I love the gentle humour and affection in this line. In fact, I want to hug them both for being what Vrnyden most needs--friends.

O... nice feeling of tension at the end of this chapter. I can really feel the anticipation.

I also love Vrnyden's appearence as a kitten towards the end here. How on earth Hu-Halle resisted patting him, I don't know--I certainly wouldn't have been able to!

"Since she would travel no further this day, there was no need to pose an interruption to his work before then." What a wonderfully thoughtful individual Hu-Halle seems to be.

I liked how you included a description of Heruvael in there. I needed reminding.

Heruvael's discomfort as he was imparting the lessons he has learned about avarii was very well done, and just a little amusing.

"That was Hu-Halle’s first impression as she followed Heruvael out of a narrow passageway into a glade much smaller and more disheveled than where she had made her entrance. True, his hair was a brighter yellow than any human’s..." This took me a minute to makes sense of. I think the description of the glade as being dishevelled (which I associate with hair) threw me off and it was difficult for me to make the transition between the sentences. I didn't quite realise you'd switched back to talking about the fledgling.

Again, it was nice to see another description of Vrnyden and an excellent reminder of how foreign he really is to the hyarmi. I feel a bit sad that Hu-Halle should so quickly leave him on his own, but I imagine it would be difficult to remain in the presence of such despair.

The ending of the chapter also went well. I like that Hu-Halle wonders about the news she is bearing when the reader already knows.