Very intriguing.

i dig it. there were a few things that kept it from being great though; spelling/grammar errors. for instance you used "aloud" instead of "allowed," "sent" instead of "scent," "whole" instead of "hole." there were more but im a lazy bastard and im sure you get the idea anyway. a thorough proofread would result in a much better and more effective story. at any rate, i liked it. i caught the reference to reservoir dogs in your use of colors for names (or at least i thought it was a res dogs reference... i could just be talking out of my **). good times.

No question about it, you are a very good writer. I just love the way you use words. Keep writing!