I like this story. You have really good word choice.

Whao! Intrigueing stuff!

Wow, really cool. I like the small cast of characters and setting. Colorful descriptions. The one thing that really stuck out - in a bad way - was the term "band-aid". I would replace it with "bandage" because band-aid is an actual company. =]

Coolio. Nice descriptions. I'll assume you're a dot hack fan, since you're using the names, which I'm not sure is allowed.

Good job. The detail is just right, and you describe your characters well. Only one complaint: the paragraph introducing Joseph and the preceeding paragraph break the flow a little bit. The scene change is a little abrupt. Otherwise, I like the writing style. Keep up the good work!

Your descriptions are excellent as is your characterisation. I'm intrigued and extremely interested to see where this is going. Is it set in the future?So far this is a very original idea and I've never read anything of the like before.I think its excellent and I'll definitely read more.~Silver