cool poem. good job. i like this part: "They flutter in a freefall down,Like toothpaste out of a tube". toothpaste. very clever. and in case you didn't see the other reveiw i left, please check out my bio for a very long apology.

very interesting and well written

i think this is really nice the imagery and stuff.. "once-fluffy-bunnies" part and the polaroids. but er haha "flutter in a freefall down" isnt exactly like haha toothpaste. toothpaste is thick! but its really interesting. i like it reallyreallyreally much!

as our dearest english teacher says 'show not tell'. i like the last two stanzas. you've got your own style that's refreshing and not dressed up but plain and down to earth. i'm glad you don't go for all the punctuation and complicated forms because they make me dizzy. i like this. esp the line 'and i'm the only one touching/heaven's tears without a plastic shield'

oh, this is fantastic, I just love that one stanza, "I'm sitting here watching hooded civilians rush into Air-conditoned iron goliaths. And I'm the only one touching Heaven's tears without a plastic shield." I know this has quite the depth. Beautifully done! Wow

we would hold fast every changing motion,

discriminating only leaping fate,

fanged and striped with coloration snarling,

threatening to devour serenity,

melodious creation of our dreams,

scaling up white and black keys's harmony,

until we submit to incessant beats,

pounding skin's every pore and every cell,

bringing us incongruous to day's light,

when we but wished a darkened place to sleep,

yet fastened open our eyelids see all,

much more than happiness would let us feel,

much less than love or hate could stand to take.

aw... pretty~~ i love the imagery in this~~ a mix of beauty in nature and modern day technological comparison^^

keep writing!

this is nice...very good...i think some of the symbolisms are quite over the top...but i think they're ok...good job...oh and pls...if you have the time...pls do review some fo my poems...thanks...

truly yours...

I love this. The imagery is really something special. Great work.