great imagery and rhyming, as always. everything you write says a lot with few words, and that's a brilliant talent.

Mm, I loved how the last few lines rhymed.. Beautiful.

-lav

I love the form you wrote it in, and how it builds up to the end where it finally rhymes. You paint the picture both beautifully and delicately. Delightful work, keep it up!

hm...this is very interesting...nice job using description.~sahara~

how is it that u can take a bunch of random words, put 'em together, and all o' sudden have a masterpiece. grr. some people make me jealous. ;) okay, i'll admit it, it was a great poem. the last 2 lines my favorites.

I like this, especially the way it doesn't rhyme untill the last two lines, almost like it's slowly building up to that moment, and then there's a burst of energy. Well, that's how I read it anyway. Again, I liked it a lot.

I used to think there were no good authors at this site but your work makes em realize that this place really does have potential for some really good stuff.

o, that's so tight.

It sounded so sexy (lolx). It was really pretty