I liked this. Nice flow to it. Reminded me of Christianity a bit, for some reason.

That's beatiful - I love your rhymes so much it flows together perfectly. The imagery is excellent, and there's such a powerful sense of longing in those last lines

I can really hear this as a song. The last 4 lines might be the chorus and you just need to break up the rest and add another verse or bridge. I like the way it sounds... very rhythmic.

this is sad, Maybe I read it wrong, but to me it seems sad. Awesome.

Solo.