Amazing, simply amazing.

on word: spectacular

Yay!! This is awesome, Molly!! I like the poetic style of it and the guy's obsession with the eyelashes. Yes, indeed.

LlaMa

Ok, uh, I know I'm reviewing my own story here, but I felt need to clarify some things...firstly, this is not the first story I have WRITTEN, this is the first story I have POSTED. Normally, I do not write like this. This is just a twenty minute that resulted from a two hour long car ride at around eleven at night. The poetic and seemingly-nonsensical style was intentional. And yes, Misanthropic Muse, I am addicted to commas.~A. Person

since this is your first real story i woudl venture to say that you are still thinking poetry. too many commas, like line breaks in poetry. "Never outright complaining, but constantly hinting, I’d always obey his insight, fluttering eyelashes to make him smile. "overuse of commas disrupts the flowi would put:Never outright complaining but constantly hinting, I’d always obey his insight, fluttering my eyelashes to make him smile." not a big deal thoughwell done with speeling adn grammar

Wowser, Moley-os. Didn't know ya had it in ya. That was awesome.*claps appreciatively*