I like it! It is lost hope and dispare, the roller coaster of life. One thing, though. "not a whisper,/ not a screech" shouldn't have a comma. It does not go with the rest of the poem. The other commas can stay, but that one should leave.

:-) Saber

Great poem, the description really helps to paint a clear picture and get your idea across. Thanks for reviewing some of my work, sorry its taken me so long to get to some of yours.

I like the intensity and the exigency that this conveys, especially in the title. Nicely done.

Well, thank you for the review, but what's with the grammar bit? Honestly, mine is incalculably better than yours is-let's see how anal you are after I point out all of your errors, 'kay?

In your bio:

-"freindly" isn't a word. Did you mean to say "friendly?" Nice.

-"So-long" isn't a word either; the expression is just "so long."

-"Ya'll" is an incorrectly formed contraction- the proper way with which to abbreviate "you all" is "y'all," because it is the "you" that is cut short.

-All of your summaries are in desperate need of proper capitalization.

In the poem:

-"chances" would be capitalized in the title, because it is a noun.

-You cannot start a sentence with a conjunction (and), because it is used to join phrases, nouns, etcetera, not to begin a sentence.

-In line four, you cannot just stick "lurches" in without a coordinating conjunction or a comma before it.

-Woah, you sure are missing a bunch of commas. You need one after falls in line one, after drips in line two, after coaster, after sound...the list just goes on and on.

I hardly had to think to come up with these! Just think how many I would find while actually using my brain!

What the fuck? I didn't want to have to do this, but really- what were you smoking when you gave me that review? If you believe that grammar is the basis for all poetry, you've been living in a dreadful gutter. Of course my poem lacked grammatical perfection- it's poetry! It defies laws left and right and it isn't supposed to matter. Go read some Eliot or Fitzgerald, or at least follow your own sick standards. If you'd rather be a prick, at least avoid blatant hypocrisy.

Ah... I can't say I completley understood this, but I blame that on my complete idiocy. I did like it, though. Great imagrey.

-Cerii-chan!

You have a strange, 'matter-offact" style that i really enjoyed here. keep writing ! D

That was a great poem. Thank you for reviewing my poems. I always appreciate constructive critiscm. It helps me with my writing. Well anyway i just want to say that i love your poems there great.

Whoa...great poem, really meaningful and deep. Great work! QueenVixta

Just finished reading all of your poems, and this one is my favourite. Very enjoyable read!

awesome

Wow. Very powerful. Maybe more descriptive words next time? I'll be sure to read more of your work, though! - Keep on writing, you have quite a knack for it. I just wrote a new story called "Judith." Check it out, I think you'll like it. Gotta go!Kate