Depressing, but good imagery. I can feel the anger, which is good, cause it means that you can connect with the reader. Just wanted to let you know that a new chapter of Out of the Rain is up!

i got shivers down my spine readng this

slowly lifted from her eyes?

I was thinking of something more along the lines of a sudden unveiling, thats what a beating would seem like to me.

That's the only part i thought had room to change. This was well written, and in many ways suprising (although i could tell that something had happened, which is a good thing). Keep up the good work.

This was awsome!! It was so powerful and original...I loved it. Keep it up.--pammy-

very short...probaly needed to be longer for us to really understand. Still the amount I got from those few word is impressive. I lovd this para:

'** mom and dad...lifted from my eyes'

that was really raw, and real especially the part about the friends telling lies..that truely reinforces how much she has deluded herself.

So very good for a short piece but for us to really care bout the characters, it probably needed to be longer.~Filigree x