Yeah Jonas, how are you going to explain this to your parents now?

"Uh Mom? Dad? Don't get angry at me but I sorta killed my sister because she was accidentally turned into a bloodsucking creature of the night."

But I really like the ending. The last paragraph was really good for something written all those years ago.

That... that was so depressing...

GREAT JOB! What a wonderfully sad way to end the story! It cleverly reworked several cliches, and I loved the fact that you showed the monsters' point of view as well as the people's. Wonderful job!

Hah! I found the origin of Nyxhelm's name! Thank you encyclopedia mythica! Nyx was the name of the Roman Goddess of night. Sweet, sweet closure.

The third chapter seemed a good place to stop, as the story is pulling me to two different conclusions. Is Nyxhelm an evil monste using Holly for his own nefarious gain, or are the Strikers the true villains? O, a cliffhanger! Very well set up, and I look forward to future chapters!

Oy, sorry to only review one chapter, but it's getting late over here and I have to get up early to go to a book signing by Bruce Campbell himself tomorrow.

A very intriguing first chapter. You've set up suspense, and your attention to detail makes me quiver with joy (nobody here who's my age can write like this). I also like how you've set up your vampire: hypnotic eyes, pale skin, nothing like the classics.

I look forward to the next chapters.

This was really good, a bit short, but hopefully there will be more.

After someone has spoken put a full stop, excalamtion mark, comma etc. before closing the speech mark.

On to the next chapter.

one typo: "and threw it basketball style into the thrash can" 'thrash' should be 'trash'

A good start. I liked the end.

hey...this was good.. but i really had this tiny annoyance for kirsten [hey, sorry if you saw this in her point of view].. poor nyxhelm... please write a sequel.. wanna know what happens to jonas.. it's kinda 'bitin'...

why did you kill off the sister? you could have had the love of family over the love of innocent lives it would seem more real I guess but oh well good story great description too

really good. you should really make it like a series or something. I would be more then happy to read them. :) Keep up the good work and I hope to be reading your stuff very soon. Ciao

P.S. If you want, you can check out my story. It isn't complete or anything but a work in progress. It is called "yet to be titled" Couldn't decide on one. Any suggestions? Later

This was a very good short story. Nice fast pace to it. At points when I thought I would lose interest you introduced yet another plot twist. I think I'll take a peek at your other works.

Good job.

[tired to login] ya know, ya shouldnt have posted all the chapters at once...if u wanna get more reviews, the best way is to post it one chapter every other day or sumthin...hmm.. this is a nice beginning...