Reviews for Fire Mermaid - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Fire Mermaid - Reviews: Page 1 of 14

Anjirika 2008-05-07 ch 19,	abuseThis was a great story...but I would love to read an epilogue.
rosieroo 2008-03-09 ch 19,	abusewow, this story is awesomely wonderful! HOLEY MOLEY! i could barely stop thinking about it, not AT ALL good for my studies! so, i guess this is the ending? i think thats wonderful! another chapter would ruin it... or maybe one in the future, once theyve had a child, would be good! watever, i love this story!
xbluxmoonx 2008-01-17 ch 19,	abusewow, i don't know where to start. um. it was pretty good. your writing style is good too, nice detail and everything. i just had a problem with the characters. some moments i just thought they acted so, well, ridiculously dumb. you made them naive so you could drag out the story. for instance, even though she wanted to stay and help cullen escape, she could have easily taken the necklace from ryan while he was asleep and waited to put it back on; after all, she spent all that time just staring at him. i thought that you forced their "love" for each other way too quickly. it felt as though i missed something. for one chapter they were a little awkward, barely getting to know each other, and then the next she's fighting to see him because she LOVES him and he loves her oh so much. but it felt like it was just there, it just happened, out of the blue, as if nothing led to it, like a huge chunk of their love life was missing. anyway, enough of that part. i also thought that, well, if aisha loved ryan so much, and how much she mentioned his stormy gray eyes hundreds of times, that she would be able to tell the difference between those and blue eyes. it shouldn't have exactly taken too long to figure that out. it was a bit predictable, the characters a little too flat, her brother arriving into the story a bit late, and her seeming to go about everything so easily. didn't she feel anything at all seeing her father? actually having a family? maybe i'm just going into this a little too far, but i just had to voice my opinions. anyway, it was a great story, and if you are planning a sequel, i hope you go into more detail with the characters, and more than just lip-locking etc etc with each other. some character development would be nice, some realistic ones anyway. i just thought aisha was more of a rebellious mermaid (a nice change), before she turned into the damsel in distress-slash-mary sue with powers. gah, i'm sorry for being so harsh. i just think you can do a lot better in the future. good luck!
xbluxmoonx 2008-01-06 ch 5,	abusethis story is getting interesting and all, but wouldn't aisha have any urge to just blabber a word or two out? it doesn't seem as though she has a hard time talking. heh, anyway, i honestly hope you go deeper with the characters. you seem too hard to be trying to develop the character's in aisha's perspective, but not on their own. anyway, i'll just keep reading. =]
xbluxmoonx 2008-01-06 ch 1,	abusewhy would mermfolk need stairs?
Written 2007-12-11 ch 1,	abuseI like it so far! I have class in a sec but I'll read the rest later. :) very nice.
larathiel 2007-11-18 ch 19,	abusehey i really loved your story. it's got a nice plot. though the story is rather short.. and sometimes the outcomes seem a little predictable. i really feel like you could write a lot more about your characters. i really love them a lot. especially Aisha's brother, perhaps you could explore them a little more. keep it up!
a passerby 2007-10-18 ch 1, anon.	abusehey i really like your plot. just that i think you could improve it a lot more by adding more detail. too much seems to be revealed in the first chapter, and you might want to edit things a little here and there. for example, that i doubt they have stairs, nor blankets. your mermaids seem more like humans with tails living underwater. and i don't think you were aiming to depict them that way. further more, if aisha steals, and humans kill, how does that make the humans so detestful in her eyes? great job though (: i'm reading on
ElementalGoddesses 2007-08-22 ch 19,	abuseWOW! Shorter than the rest, but that was all it needed. It feels much more finished off. Sorry I don't have any constructive critisism, but I know its nice to hear when your work is appreaciated (my spelling is horrible)... I love your work. Keep it up! Love Shell (one of the Elemental Godesses)
HannahBanana 2007-08-20 ch 19, anon.	abuseAmazing. Truly, truly amazing. I don't even know what else to say. The ending had me in tears. Half of them were happy because Aisha/Adel and Ryan ended up together and happy. And then half of them were sad because now the story is over. Is there any chance of you doing a sequal? Is that even how you spell sequal? Maybe it's sequel. I think it is sequel. Maybe. Oh well. Just write one! I don't want it to be over! I love all the characters too much! Except Cassara. I wasn't too fond of her. Sorry, something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. Which is a ridiculous expression when you think about it. How can something rub you the wrong way? Is there a right way to be rubbed? Guh. You asked for criticism, but I really don't have any. This story was just too amazing. Sorry I can't be more helpful. Anyways, I can't think of anything else to say. Feel free to IM me anytime (x FrenchHugs x). Especially if you are IM-ing me about your plans to write a sequal/sequel! This is so emotional! Goodbye! (Till the epilogue, at least) -HB
Sakurelle 2007-08-20 ch 19, anon.	abuseWow, I can't believe it's over (or almost). But of course, all good things must come to an end. I liked this chapter and the romance in it! ^^ please post the epilogue soon.
Aytheria 2007-08-18 ch 19,	abuseAh, I understand. That clears a few things up. And yes thank you, I did have fun in France. I spoke French, ate weird french food and good french food, saw the sites and bought things. Fun fun fun. Well, I have to say that this has been a great achievement for you, and I wish to commend you on finishing your story, because I know I have yet to finish one, and I know how hard it can be to carry on sometimes when you are stuck. So good job! As far as the story goes. When re-doing I think I've said all I can say...slow it down, especially between Ryan and Aisha, also I think perhaps there needs to be a bit more between when Aisha goes back to France until she returns to Wales A) to add length and slow down the sudden switch from leaving to coming back, which seemed a bit rushed, and B) to give a deeper explaination of Aisha's position and perhaps the war, her family, etc..some background maybe. Perhaps some things about Aisha fitting in at court as a princess, that sort of thing. I, for one, wouldn't mind learning how she was received back in France in a bit more detail...then again, i admit to being a sap for heartfelt family reunions and all that fluff...;) I think, maybe in the beginning, you should have a bit more character establishment for both Ryan and Aisha before you go deeper into the plot...and um...hmm...honestly? There's nothing I can really say about your writing, because it's very very good! Your grammar is good, your style, everything! ^^ Anyway, perhaps, in the future, I'll see a much improved version of this...I can only hope, as I enjoyed it very much! Thanks for writing it, Aytheria
CrimsonSentry 2007-08-18 ch 19,	abuseThat was a nice chapter. As to how long into the future... hm... i'ld like to know what their kids will turn out like. Merpeople or human? It'll be a problem if they couldn't control when they'll turn into merpeople and back.
Gabby 2007-08-18 ch 19, anon.	abuseyea i liked this, i do agree it was rushed, and i would have liked to see a little sidestory with cullen or sarah or something extra going on, you know? But i really did love this story, fantasy is so fun to do. But i would like to see aisha and ryan's lives after the wedding and how they work on the whole difference in countries cobflict. But that's my little spiel, love it!
RoxyFairy 2007-08-18 ch 19,	abusewow, i thought the last chapter was it! Im so glad theres another one! I think you should go at least as far as to when they have a baby, or maybe at the birth ao their last baby, maybe they'd have... five kids? who knows? well, i loved your story, i've always loved mermaids! ttyl! ~RF

Return to Top