FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Obake-chan13 2005-04-29 ch 1,   | Well... Pizza'll do that to ya. OK, all joking aside you've got a lot of emotion in the poem and that's good. The only problem is that no one knows what's going on because its so vague. But the vagueness sorta works too because now anyone and any situation can relate. The only question is if you want it to relate to anyone and any situation. It's not much of a sacrifice to go from mind-flooding emotion to a sense of what's actually happening. And now that I'm done critiquing... w00t! Bai! |
| simpleplan13 2005-04-29 ch 1, | i love the second to last line.. beautiful |