sugoi! translation: AWESOME! wow i really want to know what happens. XD

Too soon to judge where this story is going (since I didn't read ahead to the other chapters you've posted before writing this review), and to tell the truth, the basic situation of a teenage girl suddenly discovering she has some sort of superpowers is something I've seen done many times before. But I do intend to keep reading and see what your personal spin on the concept is supposed to be. Your story hasn't managed to repel me or bore me yet!

In fact, I have to say your spelling and grammar are already better than a lot of the stuff I see here on FictionPress, but I'm going to mention at least a couple of minor points where I thought there was room for improvement in how you tell the story. (I work hard to build a reputation for Shameless Nitpicking, you understand.)

* Tossing the blanket aside, she got off her bed and walked over to her balcony. The cold night air gripped her and her long dark brown hair flew wildly in the wind as she wondered, ‘Why me? Of all people, why am I having this dream?”

“You had the same dream again? No way!” *

That abrupt, unannounced transition between paragraphs had me very confused for a bit. My first reaction, as I went along, was that the question about having the same dream was an IMMEDIATE response to what she had just said as she was looking out from the balcony and wondering about the recurring dream. I started visualizing someone else in the same bedroom -- a sister, maybe -- who woke up in time to hear Luna wonder that aloud.

Of course, as I kept reading, I realized the question was the opening line of an entirely different scene in a different time and place.

There are a couple of different ways you could warn the reader that some sort of transition was happening. You could insert a horizontal line across the page at that point. Or a row of asterisks, or something similar. Or you could insert a few words such as: "The following day:" and then the dialogue from whichever friend asked that question about the same dream. (I'm not clear, offhand, on whether it was Stella or Serenity who asked that question to open the new scene. You might want to clarify that, too. With three girls in a conversation, it can be hard for the reader to be sure of who said what to whom.)

* “It’s very faint, but I think I can hear people talking.” Serenity whispered.

“Let’s go around the building. But remember to keep quiet.” Luna said, signaling them to follow her. *

Both of those passages of spoken dialogue should end with commas instead of periods, because they are immediately followed by "tags" telling us exactly who is speaking those words. Those "tags" apparently qualify as extensions of the same sentences that began with spoken dialogue in quotes. You make the same common mistake a few other times in this chapter.

Dude, awesome names! Aesome plot! Continue, please!

oh, nice, i'll expect an updatesoon. great chapter!

TAD

OMG that was totaly awesome, write more write more!

here i am again... Nice description of the demon's magic at the beginning. So do all demons have magic, or is it just this demon in particular? Wow its a nice classic plot here, where the parent hide away the daughter for her saftey so on so foth, but it is always a good plot line, as long as not overdone.

Luna spoke. “You’ve been hiding something from me haven’t you?”

No way, you just could randomly be able to shoot fireballs everywhere. You know, the draining from the magic inda reminds me of Eragon's magic.

So i have you on favorites and alert so I'll be back ^^ And plz check out some of my stuff, an accept the C2 invitation i just sent!

*TAD*Phoenix Keeper*

This was nice as well. It had a nice description of the monster, but i was rathr confused that it could go an entire day without being noticed.

But i liked the way you used "Luna" and "Selene" which can be interpreted with the same meaning.

And i shall continue. You have lots of talent!

*TAD* Phoenix Keeper

so... wait... so just Stella randomly appreared... oh it just struck me, there's a time change there, makes a bit more sense now... I just want to comment that you have a verygood vocabulary, it makes it seem very well written and described. I'd like it if you really describe their surrounding. You said you were considering publishing this, but if you do, please consider going through and inserting what you visualize in your mind on the document. Nice though, i will continue on ^^

*TAD* Phoenix Keeper

True heritage..dundundun..great story once again! Keep it coming, I have all summer! hahhahaa..Will there be any romance? wow, yeah im a dork..lol But it always makes a story more interesting ;) OK well I stop talking about my dumb ideas, and let you write more!! *WOOT* ok I'll be waiting! BYE!

~holly

WOW! I really love your story so far, its awesome! Your a great writer! Keep up the good work, and you can bet I'll keep reading. Oh and will there be any Vamps in this?..hehe..just wondering. OK well awesome stuff! BYE!

~Holly

DON'T CHOOSE ANYTHING! GO BITE IT THEN RUN AND SCREAM! SCREAM AS IF THE NUNS WERE HUNTING YOU DOWN TO MAKE YOU ONE OF THEM! AH!

sorry 'bout that. over-active imagination. *grins that smile where she shows her teeth and her eyes disappear into tiny slits* Nice chappie. A spot of spelling and grammar problems here and there, but no problem. over-all it's good. ^_^ Update soon.

PS: Princess Dusk?! Sasha, i don't mean to offend you, but... princess dusk?!!? Isn't there a better name? >_< Princess Dusk?! Sorry if i hurt you, okay?

An extremely suspenseful chapter...Another great chapter. Keep up the very good work. Update very very soon. Will be waiting...

You got my attention! I was holding my breath to the last letter. I like the story, very nice one.

Wow! that was really an interesting chapter! cant wait to read the next one! ^_^

Not bad, little sasha, not bad. Update soon. There are a few spots of grammar problems but over-all plot's good.

PS: What's with the darkness thingi again? You really like that don't you?

PPS: I've updated Frozen Heart... so if you're bored and have some time... *nudge nudge* a little story would welcome a few comments from you...

Random note from nowhere: I can imagine this in an anime cartoon! ^_^

another random note from nowhere: I have drunk too much sweet coffee and now I can't sleep... I am thinking of calling you right now... if it weren't almost midnight and I would get yelled at if I called you for no apparent reason... but anyways... *picks up phone*...