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| The Breakdancing Ninja 2007-09-12 ch 1,   | This one had good a good analogy to start with. I think a good majority have friendships/relationships that remain constant and un-malleable, but it's worst in intimate relationships, which is supposed to be like, -the- big catalyst for growth and development. "Unworked and rough" is a manly, journalistic description, but "unworked" doesn't seem like it's doing any actual work in the description. I might try for... hm. I might have to think of a good adjective. I like how this piece of unworked metal was actually the speaker's life; it says a good deal about what the speaker thinks about Love. Because the piece of metal could have easily been a discarded object, not really attached to the speaker in any way. But this made much more sense. I could see dents on the speaker's heart everything (corny). I would replace "Finished" with "Unfinished". Because though the relationship is over, I don't think the person's life is, by the way the poem ends. |
| mepoindexter 2005-09-04 ch 1, | I can relate to this poem. I see it as there is no "quick fix" or "easy way" out of your problems. Sometimes you have to take what you are, and forge it into what you need to be. Intresting. I liked it. Short and effective. |
| catseyeview 2005-05-06 ch 1, | That last stanza, strong voice here. I love it. "The only way to return...beat my life back into shape." |
| swift sky silver 2005-05-04 ch 1, | this is very well written. i enjoyed reading it. keep up the great work =0) |
| Munchin 2005-05-03 ch 1, | um.. i like this metaphor. I like your comparison.. Well done |
| Tempest Breeze 2005-05-02 ch 1, | i like the metaphore in this good work. |
| Stassney 2005-05-02 ch 1, | this is great ... i think everyone can relate to it and that always makes a poem better |
| simpleplan13 2005-05-02 ch 1, | nice |
| poetic abortion 2005-05-02 ch 1, | Beautiful, really it is. ^-^ !~* Noelle *~! |
| Cry Tears of Darkness 2005-05-02 ch 1, | ah i like i like! wonderful work! |