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| Space.Clown 2005-05-24 ch 3,  | abuseThis has the potential to be a great story. Grammar is the only thing that really seems to need work. Good luck with the story! |
| Rozovian G 2005-05-11 ch 3, | abuseHm... Interesting. I've read better. I've written worse. You may want to give the characters a little more life already in the first chapter, but the mystery... i can't find anything to say you could improve. Gotta read more to know, and... Mysteries tend to hook people. :) |
| Twigstudios1972 2005-05-09 ch 3, | abuseI watching for this please keep it up. |
| Sorrowful Dreams 2005-05-09 ch 2, | abusethis story is getting interesting. I like the way you ended this! great work and update soon! ~Sorrow~ |
| Arkash 2005-05-08 ch 3, | abuseIt's getting more interesting as the suspense builds. I think this story would be better if it were told in third person, since there are many characters. Good job! |
| Bish 2005-05-08 ch 3, | abuseI like it so far, but I was a little confused also... It's difficult to understand who's talking when. Please continue though! |
| Princess Hannah 2005-05-07 ch 3, | abuseA little confusing this time, but still good! |
| Princess Hannah 2005-05-07 ch 2, | abuseYou killed off Morgan Freeman? HOW CAN YOU KILL OFF MORGAN FREEMAN? Sorry, I had to say that. Great story so far! |
| His Only 2005-05-04 ch 2, | abuseOh my gosh! I had no idea you could write this well!! I mean I knew you could really write some good poetry but I didn't know you could write stories too!! This is SO interesting so far. Freaky, but still good. What is a John Doe? And how could you leave us off with that cliffie? UPDATE SOON!! I can't wait for the next chapter. Also, I wanted to say thank you for the review you gave me on my Mothers Day poem. YAY, your comments were very encouraging and I hope you're right! I might be chanin some of it, I dont know yet. Thanks again. You are such the best! |
| Arkash 2005-05-04 ch 2, | abuseGood way to start, with conflict.Good characters and setting. But... Dialogues must be separated when you switch characters. Like this: "Waiting long, Jimbo?" he... "Don't call me that, I never liked it." I responded w... Good Job *_* |
| Bish 2005-05-04 ch 2, | abuseThis is a good story so far, the plot is good. Although there are a few spelling mistakes, but hey, everyone makes them.I also hope you will explain more about his wife and what election she won. I was a little confused... :) Anyway, keep up the good work! |
| Sorrowful Dreams 2005-05-03 ch 1, | abusevery nice start. I like the chapter, I'm sure this will be a great story. Thanks for the review. ~Sorrow~ |
| Princess Hannah 2005-05-03 ch 1, | abuseI'd like to see where this one goes. 32 trails? Can you even do that? |
| Arkash 2005-05-03 ch 1, | abuseA good beginning, sounds interesting so far.Looks like you have this planned out. Good Job! *_* |
| Bish 2005-05-03 ch 1, | abuseIt sure sounds like it's gonna be good! You've got me hooked. Can't wait for more! |