Reviews for Pleasant View Park

Reviews For: Pleasant View Park

DAR 2005-09-02 ch 1, anon.	abuseWow, this gave me the chills. Your writing style is excellent, and your manipulation of point of view superb. I love it!~Dun And Russet
mwegan 2005-09-02 ch 1,	abuseHi! This is very good. Well written, good characterization. I like the change in POV, but don't think you need the "College Girls' real name was.." Just start with the name, I think it's obvious enough who it is, same with 'Broad Shoulder' later on. (just a thought, but had you considered having Shannon's name for him be 'bookworm' as well?) I think the weakest part of the story was the "James knew he was evil..." sentence. I would suggest starting with "For instance, James knew that everyone had fantasies about killing someone, just to see what it was like. But unlike him, very few actually ever did..." or something along those lines. Also I don't really think the profanity helps the story any, it seems just kind of thrown in there. And for a first short story, it was awesome, by the way. Even for a second, forth, or twentieth...
ice flyer 2005-08-12 ch 1,	abuseWow, what a story. I loved the characters you effortlessly created - Shannon was really amazing. She was so..realistic. I like how she gave them her own names - "Egghead" in particular was a good one. Typo: "There sat thethird and final new "regular". Should be "the third." Okay, I think I might be nitpicking, but James says "he could understand how others thought by simply knowing how he himself thought." But then he says he "knew he has evil." But then not everyone else is evil, so how would he understand everyone else? (stops right there because she's confusing herself..) Anyway, great story. I'm really impressed :)
Phantom Lover 2005-06-29 ch 1,	abuseI like really like this story and how it ends eventually. Well, although Shannon seems superficial, I guess that it's how someone views a stranger. And I do hope that everything would be fine in the end for Ben. Great job and keep on writting ~PhantomLover
MistyEyes 2005-05-12 ch 1,	abuse...JEEZ. You go and make me hate Shannon for being such an ignorant ** and THEN you go and make me feel sorry for her because she's about to be killed. -_-;; I really, truly loved this. This is probably my favorite piece of writing out of everything I've read by you so far. I loved how you switched from person to person and made them all out to be something completely different from Shannon's thoughts. I really enjoyed this. Fantastic work! :)
Guinivere Sage 2005-05-10 ch 1,	abuseI love your sense of point of view in this story. It changes so quickly from Shannon to Karen, then back to Shannon, then to James, that the picture in my head is almost like an on-going film, switching from point to point in the park. I also very much liked the way both Shannon and James named the other people in the park. Shannon is an interesting character. At first the reader thinks she is going to be soft and whimsical, but soon they find she is bitter with a chip in her shoulder. Very nice. Karen and James seem so misunderstood. I can see how Shannon stereotyped them so quickly, and I'm glad you mentioned that James couldn't pinpoint their motives like that snaps fingers. By having some trouble and taking time to analyze them, it makes his character seem more real. About James. I love that he's a murderer. It just seems... perfectly cynical. From this story I felt a definite vibe of "don't judge people too quickly; you could be very, very wrong." Especially on Shannon's part. Wow, she got the short end of the stick, didn't she? As I'm pondering on James, he reminds me more and more of this one character in Alfred Hitchkocks's "The Rope". Have you seen that movie? I guess this whole story really reminds me of it. The film is shot completely in one scene, and the camera actually follows the characters from room to room, never cutting. That's how I saw this story in my head. And in the movie, two men kill another man, simply because they are intelectually superior to him and so deem him "unworthy" of living. The idea (in both this story and the movie) is quite extraordinary, and it's definitely something that makes you think. Of course, there were a few grammatical errors, but that happens. Over all, for editing it yourself, you did a good job. However, two things that really bugged me: 1) you didn't capitalize Canada, and 2) you said there were four newcomers to the park, when really there were only three. Well done, write another. ~GS~
Frosted Midnight 2005-05-08 ch 1,	abusethis was interesting...and kind of sad , it reminds us of the darkness in all of our hearts ...(the bookworm reminds me of me...that might be a bad thing ) I wonder what you were thinking when you wrote this...it is very good by the way...fianaly realized I was ranting a bit there ...well are you going to leave us hanging on what happens to the girl or is there another chappie? hmm? please? puppy eyes
Timberly-Lovegood 2005-05-08 ch 1,	abuseYou fool, at the beginning i felt like you were writing about me...(of course that couldn't be true right?) No I'm kidding. I could compare myself to " Bookworm" in this way: she stereotypes people. I think I do the same...and i observe people..in thinking " what are they thinking..this is probably how they are " and so on. I shrug off my judgements on other people that I watch and continue about my way after making myself feel depressed and comparing myself to people for like 5 seconds or something like that...? And then there's evil guy James...who SEEMS nice enough to befriend but then again he's not and then she's got herself into a whole mess. He's going to do something bad isn't he..
Trajo 2005-05-08 ch 1,	abuseWow. That was really cool, I like it.
Paige Angel Lenaigh 2005-05-08 ch 1,	abuseWow! I would have never guessed that he was a killer! At first I thought that James was alright and I liked him, I can't decide if I have changed that opnion though. As strange as it may sounD, I don't hate him at all. In fact, I hate Shannon. 'Who is she to be so critical of people?' was my first reaction of her. As for Ben, well, there is not much to go by but I have the feeling that he is going to be a suprising person to say the least. Karen, I can kind of relate to, I have a hard time crying, and I try my hardest to run from or hide my problems. Over all, it is good, and it caught me early on, so keep writing, and I will too. Annoyingly, Natalie.
Falsetto 2005-05-07 ch 1,	abuseThis is probably the first complex story on Fictionpress that I actually enjoyed reading. I like it because of the description mainly. I liked how you described a lot of the small actions. It made everything easy to imagine. The perspectives were also interesting. I like Shannon's perspective the most, just because she's easier to identify with for me. The overall feel for the story is intriguing. I really don't know how to explain why I like it, but I do.

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