I think the first version stands well by itself.

The second version distracts from the "punchline." That is, your ending thought loses some of its "punch." However, this version does give insight into what you were thinking, kind of live the "annotated version."

Kind Regards,Reni.

I love this... so mysteriously contemplative... "Who knows what soul man has forged into metal." As a fellow writer, I see so much potential in that line to develop into a longer story. -Reni.

Too be honest, I like both too much to just pick one favourite.

EB

My favourite answers for qquestions, are by children. Their so innocent, but can make more sense then people I know my own age.

EB

Version 1 seems to be better. More flowy. This one seems rather choppy because of the interruptions made by the parentheses, but that's just my opinion. :)Over-all it's still pretty good.

Hmm... never thought of that before. I like the fact you took an ordinary machine and turned it into something more. Keep up the good work. :)

I find this poem leaves me... unsatisfied. I think you could have enlarged the length and/or content better. Although I do like the last line, it doesn't flow well with the rest of the poem, it's like a sudden stab at philosophy from a five-year old boys' conversation. Sry if i'm harsh, but keep up the work.

This is also nice.

Quite insightful. I like this source of inspiration.

Somewhat confusing but, very good nonetheless!

wow, interesting insperation, well done, i like where you got it from, just that idea alone is inspiring.

The second one is a more in-depth look into the poem, or rather, the philosophy within the poem itself. The second on is more concise and I think it's better than the first. They are both nicely done, though.

i think both versions are very nice. V1 brought out more of the kids voices, whereas V2 was nice because it was a little better written. 9and i love anything having to do with As You Like It..so that too gives it kudos..)

that's so cute. 'two small philosophers'. My problem is i dont pay enough attention to little kids...i tend to ignore them alot. Maybe i'd write more if i listened to them...

good job ^^ i agree with above review *points to said review* that line was confusing... either way, it was a good look into the minds of a couple of kids. Great job ^_~

~Max W.~